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Hello, good people, and thank you for joining me for another thrilling episode of Survivor: South Pacific. I'd like to start this article by apologizing to Brandon. Dude, I'm sorry I called you a crazy stalker dude. I'm also sorry that I suggested that some of the people might not be safe around you. That's NOT how I want to write my column. I mean, just because I work with David and Kim doesn't mean I have to write like them. I'm trying to repair the BOP legacy with my appearance here, so I apologize for any harm I've caused you. It's just that you're really freaking me out dude. Like, seriously. I could totally see you grabbing a machete and hacking up your entire tribe and burying them at sea. Dammit...I did it AGAIN! That's NOT who I am. I'm so sorry, Brandon. Let's get to the show before I get a knock on my door in the middle of the night...

Previously on Survivor: Christine held serve at Redemption Island and Papa Bear was the second person sent to Loser's Lodge. Ozzy has decided that strategy is a bad thing, while Jim and Cochran have decided three is greater than four. Coach still has a grip on his alliance, but for how much longer? And *BLAM!* Stacey was sent to Redemption Island to face off against her bestest buddy, Christine.

Promised tonight is one of the most disgusting challenges ever as well as our first blindside at Tribal Council. Muahahahaha....who could it be? Hopefully it's a good one and it's not a blindside only set up by creative editing. I guess we'll just have to watch to find out. But before we do, let's check in with the BOP Survivor Power Rankings.

Coach - 5-1. I'm leaving Coach on top for now as he still seems to be in charge of the Upolu alliance. I'm not sure how much longer this can last, but for the time being, everything still seems to go through Coach. His speech to calm down Brandon last week, in my opinion, was a sign that Coach Wade has learned something on his two previous stints on Survivor and that he might be in it for the long haul.

Ozzy - 8-1. This could be the last week that Ozzy is ranked this high. He still has the immunity idol and he has the numbers on his tribe. But Jim, Cochran and Dawn want to make a move. If any one of the other four is wavering, Ozzy could be on his way out. His reluctance to talk strategy could end his game long before he'd like. But for now, he's still in a great position, so he stays at #2.

Keith/Whitney - 12-1. Keith and Whitney seem pretty well joined at the hip. No one seems to be noticing this as all are focused on Ozzy and Elyse. As we've seen, a real solid two can go far in this game. While Jim and Co. are focused on Ozzy and Elyse, Keith and Whitney are in a position to come out of that battle relatively unscathed. They could turn out to be the power pair as this game moves on.

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