The Amazing Race Recap

By Daron Aldridge, Kim Hollis and David Mumpower

March 12, 2012

You realize we can't just shoot the other contestants, right?

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Vanessa confidently says, “I bet the green team eats the salami.” O-kay.

The problem with the statue task is that it is nearly impossible to find. Meanwhile, Brendon & Rachel are already at the salami task, tasting that meat. Okay, so the triflin’ ho was right, but at least Brendon & Rachel are working on a task, so they’ve got that going for them, which is nice. Vanessa realizes that they’ve just passed the street where the salami challenge is supposed to be, and wonders if they shouldn’t try it instead.

Dave & Rachel arrive at the statues, followed closely by Vanessa & Ralph and Joey “Fitness” & Danny”. Ralph knocks his statue’s head off, marking the first decapitation in the show’s history. Years after the fact, we find ourselves feeling vaguely disappointed with Rob & Amber.

Moments later, Nary & Jamie get us our second decapitation in the show’s history. If two more heads get knocked off, this show will qualify as an honorary Quentin Tarantino film.

Rachel & Brendon are doing okay on the salami challenge, but since there are so many to get right, they inevitably have to run back to the original store and do some more tasting. They should finish this task fairly quickly, though.

Kerri & Stacy continue their proud tradition of barely being shown on the race. They get their penny. Bopper & Mark are still having a blast. They also find their penny. Neither team has to worry about being eliminated, because as we all know, this is a non-elimination round.

Dave & Rachel finish the statue task and are off to Piazza Castello, which houses today’s Pitstop. For Brendon & Rachel, all of the salami is starting to look alike.



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Joey “Fitness” & Danny finish their task, with Vanessa & Ralph close behind.

We now see Dave & Rachel hit the mat in second, which makes Dave happy since he thinks they had a terrible leg. He’s hoping their communication improves, by which he means he hopes Rachel won’t be such a snotty bitch.

Kerri & Stacy arrive for the salami tasting, which thoroughly discourages Rachel. This puts her in freak out mode, and she cries while she tastes the salami. She says she can’t do the race anymore, and Brendon tells her that’s fine. Guys, didn’t you hear? It’s a non-elimination leg. It doesn’t matter where you finish!

Joey “Fitness” & Danny are the third team to arrive, followed by Ralph & Vanessa. We would definitely have agreed with Daron that Joey “Fitness” & Danny don’t seem like they should be any good, but at least they work well together.

Brendon & Rachel finally pull it together and get the salami task done. Nary & Jamie, meanwhile, arrive at the Pitstop as Team #5. Brendon & Rachel get sixth place. That leaves Kerri & Stacy for seventh spot, no matter what some phony editing might try to tell us.

Bopper & Mark are having a blast, even with the knowledge that they’re in last place. They walk up to the mat with tears in their eyes, and tell Phil how much fun they’ve had even though they’re in last place. At this point, JJ & Art walk up and tell them that they’re giving half the money they earned today to Bopper to help his daughter. Bopper loses it at this point, and honestly, this makes us think even more highly of the Border Patrol Agents. We already thought they were pretty fantastic. They tell Bopper & Mark that they’re friends for life.

Of course, Phil also makes the inevitable announcement that today’s leg was a non-elimination leg. This is possibly the least surprising thing to happen in the history of our recapping the show. In fact, we’re not sure if there has ever been an elimination in an episode that we have recapped. Regardless, we’re glad that Bopper & Mark are still around, and we’re also glad that JJ & Art are so dominant. At least there are two teams who are well worth rooting for.


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