Survivor: Nicaragua Recap - Finale Part Two
The Grand Finale
By Kim Hollis and David Mumpower
December 22, 2010
Our favorite player this season, Jane (Jim Van Nest is a nutjob…dude likes Evil Loser Russell, too), is direct with her remarks to Sash and Chase. “Sash, all I have to say is that somebody sure as Hell raised you good to be a New York City river rat and as far as I’m concerned, you can go back to the New York City gutters, and crawl back into the black hole that you came from. Okay? Now Chase, even though I’m still totally pissed at you, you did make my time out here the funnest event I’ve ever had in my life.” As Sash attempts to recover from his killshot, Chase states that some of his money will go toward a Skin Cancer foundation started by his brother and that he will attempt to financially secure his mother’s future. Fabio chimes in that he has a similar plan for his mother. Jane never directly addresses Fabio with a question, simply stating that he enjoyed meeting Chase and Fabio’s parents. We are taken aback by this turn of events as Chase appears to have secured his third vote thus far. If two of the remaining five jury members look kindly upon him, Chase is going to win Survivor.
Benry starts talking. We stifle a yawn. Barely. This guy has the personality of bubble wrap. Unpopped bubble wrap that can never be popped. All Benry does is ask Sash for suggestions on how Benry could have played better. Sash stumbles through some vague answer, and everyone is surprised to see Benry wander off. We have no idea who gets Benry’s vote. We strongly suspect it’s Fabio but if this is another point for Chase, he’s probably won.
Dan comes out and immediately continues what he started during his post-elimination rant. “Sash, I think you’re a liar, I think you’re a phony. You said things to me and you never lived up to them. I think you’re spineless. And I hate that smile. And I think that if I was you, I’d go to the doctor tomorrow and get that eye fixed so that you stop doing the wink. Chase, you were the most paranoid player in this entire game, okay? Whether you care or not, there’s a lot of people bleeding here because of you. A lot of people bleeding here. You backstabbed everybody. You backstabbed me. You backstabbed Jane. Jane! Who was your right hand person! When it came to you, she was gone. So you really let people down. You let me down. Tremendously! I’m going to tell you something. Beauty fades. Dumb is forever.” We’re…going to put Dan down as a Fabio vote.
Purple Kelly, or as we call her Quitter Thing Number One, gets to ask a question, which is an abomination in and of itself. She throws Sash a softball, giving him 60 seconds to explain how he “outwitted all of us”. After we zone out during another round of clueless braggadocio from Sash, Quitter Thing Number One exclaims that his answer was surprising to her and pretty much perfect. She then chooses not to address the other two players. Either she had made up her mind already and willingly chose to let Sash blather on for a bit or Sash has got a vote! (Editor’s note: in a mild upset, it turned out to be the former.)