Survivor: Nicaragua Finale Recap - Part 1

What about me?

By Kim Hollis and David Mumpower

December 20, 2010

Bitch stole my shoes.

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Previously on Survivor, we endured a season of decisions by the dumbest cast in the history of the show. Yes, we have said this in previous years, and usually, we were just venting. This time, we mean it. This is the measuring stick for the future. Whenever someone does something idiotic, we’ll say to ourselves, “But how does it stack up against all the numerous things the various tribe members of Libertad did?” The person who cast this season of Survivor should be fired with extreme prejudice.

Where to begin? We could start with Chase’s dumbass decision two weeks in a row to tell various people he would take them on Reward Challenges if he won, only to follow through by taking someone else instead. The worst kind of lie in the game of Survivor is the one that has no purpose. Telling Sash and then Fabio that you’ll take them on challenges without living up to your promise is just needless. Just don’t make any promises to anyone if you’re going to be wishy-washy, or if you know who you’re taking, just go ahead and invite them for the reward.

We should backtrack to say that when we last recapped the show, there were nine remaining players. Two of them promptly quit, as NaOnka proved to be an immature hypocrite through and through, while Purple Kelly felt like she’d said everything she had to say in the game when she stated, “I have nothing left to suck.” Honestly, Purple Kelly was a follower, and the moment her leader, Brenda, was eliminated, she lost all her fight…and obviously she didn’t have the stones or the brains to get herself a new alliance.


Combined with Benry, that’s three forgettable/horrible players removed from the game (and don’t get us started on how Benry could have aligned with Fabio, Dan and potentially Sash if they could have read Sash’s clues correctly). Meanwhile, Sash thinks he’s the smartest guy in the room, which is roughly equivalent to being the valedictorian of a class containing Ralph Wiggum, Beavis, and Butthead.

The last episode encapsulates everything that has frustrated us this season. There were six remaining players, yet it takes Probst to point out that if three people are in an alliance and three people are not, the three unaligned players are not outnumbered. Jeff all but said, “The three of you need to vote for Holly,” and yet here we stand, with Dan and Fabio voting with people they know are against them. To be fair, it’s not like Jane made any real effort to get them to her side prior to the vote. Perhaps if she had thought further than the final four, she wouldn’t be in this position.

The elimination of Jane, easily the most engaging player of the current season, means that we almost certainly will not be happy with the Survivor: Nicaragua winner. Jud “Fabio” Birza seems like an affable young man and he’s provided a lot of laughs in embracing his role as village idiot. We don’t think he’s actually anywhere near as dumb as he lets on – he’s just young and inexperienced. Perhaps this is why his game has been mostly passive, and he’s going to need some breaks to win the game. Our expectation is that if Fabio doesn’t win immunity next, he is the obvious choice to send home, particularly since Dan has very little immunity outside of a “who has the most expensive shoes?” challenge. Hell, Holly may win that since she’s the only one who knows where the shoes are.

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