Survivor Gabon: Earth's Last Eden

Apple in the Garden of Eden

By Kim Hollis and David Mumpower

November 8, 2008

Idol? I don't need no stinkin' idol!

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Hello, good people, and welcome to Episode 8 of Survivor: Gabon.

However, we're sorry to inform you that Survivor Analyst Jim Van Nest is unavailable this evening. What this means for you is that not only are we covering Amazing Race in the short term while Reagen Sulewski is off on something called a honeymoon, you're also stuck with us on Survivor tonight. Tough luck for you!

Previously on Survivor, Sugar screwed Ace - and not in the way he expected. Also, while we're not sure if Jim has made any "Pour Some Sugar on Me"/Archies jokes yet, we guarantee that there will be at least 12 in this column. Sugar.

Probst starts the episode by reminding us that one tribe has beaten the other one in nine out of 11 challenges. In hindsight, they shouldn't have allowed Matt Millen to pick the contestants who would participate on the Fang tribe. Wide receivers do not make good Survivor competitors. (But quarterbacks do! We love you Gary Hogeboom!)


The Kota Tribe returns from a forced Tribal Council to find anti-social Randy being, well, anti-social. Clocktower Randy is annoyed that nobody takes him seriously. Just in case you were wondering, we have not accidentally started recapping My Name Is Earl instead. Though perhaps we should!

What has set Randy off (we think - it's hard to tell with him) is the fact that Susie has laughed at him when he said something that she interpreted as him being funny. This is apparently the worst transgression ever committed in his presence. As he explains to the camera, he voted for Susie, knowing full well that his friend Dan would get the majority of the votes. Clearly, he had hoped that Dan would present the immunity idol and save himself, thereby eliminating Susie in the process. This tells us something about Randy as a player. He's a raving lunatic, but he has a game plan and isn't going to let friendships stand in the way of his earning a million bucks. Still, Susie probably shouldn't laugh in his presence again, just in case he has access to bleach, garbage bags, and a shovel.

Marcus (who?) speaks up to say that he thinks that there's a merge coming. Randy interrupts him almost immediately, probably drawing the same conclusion we do that he's not a contestant, and describes something ominously titled "Operation Clean Sweep". We believe this was an initiative last attempted by Colonel Kurtz. Or maybe this is what happened to Steve Coogan in Tropic Thunder.

But Randy's not the only member of Kota bringing the crazy tonight. The rage virus has also hit Corinne, who is holding a grudge against Susie for the tiniest of reasons. Susie blithely informed Corinne earlier that she planned to vote Corinne off. Surprisingly, that didn't go over well. Corinne is feeling on the inside the way that Randy is acting on the outside. God help Susie if she laughs at something Corinne says.

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