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Survivor: Micronesia - Fans Vs Favorites

You Guys Are Dumber Than You Look

By Jim Van Nest

February 10, 2008

Hint: this is about to go very badly for Mr. Fairplay.

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With both idols found, the tribes begin their trek to their respective beaches. The first shown to land are the fans. As they introduce each other, we get to hear how excited they all are to be there and how bad they want to kick the favorite's ass. Tracy, our siliconed residential builder is disgusted by Fairplay being there. Chet, the gay pageant contestant trainer, says they have the advantage because they know how the others play. They we're introduced to Mikey B who breaks down his tribe better than I ever could, "It consists of Big Bird (Kathy), the southern princess (Alexis), we got the Incredible Hulk (Joel), we got Jon Bon Jovi in his prime (Jason) and then we got Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (Chet). Man, this is gonna be a crew, let me tell ya. It's on." Okay, I'll make it official right off the bat. I like Mikey B. He damn well better stick around for a while.

As people are still introducing each other, we get an earful of a conversation between Kathy and Chet. She points out the obvious, that Chet is gay. To Chet. She asks him if he prefers homosexual or gay. She actually asks him, "That doesn't mean you want to be a girl?" And I have to hand it to Chet, he takes it quite well. He plays it off like he completely understands and you know that he'd like to reach over and claw her eyes out. She continues to tell us that she could just tell he was gay. And she tells him that she's never had a gay friend before. Everyone in the area wants to crawl in a hole or something through all of this. But, wait. She's not done. There's more. Next we see is Crazy Kathy talking to Tracy and telling her how she's never seen someone with implants up close before. Are you frickin' kidding me? This has the rest of the tribe talking. And it's not good. Jason Bon Jovi tells us the tribe was bummed that Kathy found the idol, because they were all looking at her as the first boot.




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Finally, we join the favorites coming to shore on their beach. They go straight to work finding a place for and building a shelter. Fairplay tells us that this time is different for him. Last time he was a single guy where =as this time, he has a seven months pregnant girlfriend at home and he's planning on bringing home some money for her. It takes them about two minutes of preparing materials for their shelter to notice how quickly James busts through the bamboo. Parvati is the first to notice it and Jonathan agrees that it's insane. James is appreciating how everyone is working on the shelter. Everyone is commenting on how much better it is this time that the last times they played. And in no time at all, a shelter is put together and Ozzy is finding food. These folks aren't messing around this time out. We get our first glimpse of Parvati telling us that she doesn't plan to be just a flirt this time around. Which leads us to a sweet segment I'll call, "Parvati is just a flirt." She and James are hanging out and she's making her move. She's decided he's the only guy to flirt with. James tells us that she's one of those sex kitten type girls and he likes her. Oh dear. James, my man...you already own the title of the dumbest move ever in Survivor. Please tell me you're not going to continue your legacy on frickin' day one of Half ASS!!


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