Love Many, Trust Few, Do Wrong To None
By Jim Van Nest
March 13, 2007
Hello, good people! The Survivor recap is back and my only goal at this point is to try to make the recap more fun than the show. Previously on Survivor, the rich got richer, the poor stayed poor and the producers made up some shit to try to even things back up...and it worked. Papa Smurf (aka Gary) was finally med-evac'd out of the game and a message in a bottle forced the Moto tribe to choose between comfort and Tribal Council. They chose poorly and Liliana, the tribe's strongest woman, was dispatched. So despite not winning a single challenge this season, the Ravu tribe will begin this episode in a 7-7 tie with Moto. Will that be enough momentum to get them that first win? Or will this season sink further into the bowels of hell? Well, let's get right to it.
We begin at Ravu tonight. Yau Man is trying to figure out how he can search for the idol when it's in the middle of camp. He decides to approach Earl, since they're the only ones to go to Exile. They compare notes and discuss how they can possibly get it, with only a machete to dig. They hatch a plan for Earl to pull some people away while Yau digs for the idol. Cue the opening theme...
The next morning at Ravu, Michelle recaps the obvious. They're starving and struggling and the other tribe has everything. It's time to play "Mission: Hidden Immunity Idol." Earl takes everyone off to hunt for crab. Yau Man gets right to work digging with his machete under the highest point of the big cave. The clue says to dig deep and with a machete, there's just no way he'll make it. Personally, I think he should get some coconut shells and give it a try, but what do I know? Meanwhile on the crab hunt, Earl and Anthony reach the tip top of the island and are both awe-struck at the view from this angle, and how they can see everything around the island. Anthony says taking a second to take it all in is the kind of thing to renew your drive and focus. Back to Yau and he's having a helluva time digging. I'm guessing he is maybe a foot down in the ground when he decides it's best to fill the hole back in and prepare for the tribe to come back.
Meanwhile, at Camp Calorie, life is good. Still, we see a shot of a stack of dirty dishes and I have to wonder what these people will do when all of the dishes are *gasp* dirty. Will they still eat on them? Or will one of them get off their over-privileged ass and actually clean them? I'm betting on the former. We join Moto for the Tree Mail announcement. They get a booklet of things they can possibly win. They have to choose two things to play for at the next challenge. Moto is looking at things like cake, toiletries and chocolate.
At Ravu, they're trying to decide if they should get two things they need or splurge by getting one thing they need and one they want. Earl very strongly wants to get two things they need. And with the line of the season so far, Earl perfectly describes the two camps, "Moto's living in a mansion over there, ya know, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air over there and we're like, ya know, Good Times." Couldn't have said it better myself.
Probst sighting!!! And right away, this challenge looks pretty cool. The survivors have to wade through knee deep mud to get to the bleachers where they'll learn what's in store for them. So whatever's coming up, it's gonna be dirty. As they arrive, Boo comes in eating something. Jeff asks him about it and he says it's mango. Naturally, Jeff goes right to Rocky to ask his opinion about it, he says "look at me, there's fire coming out of my eyes." To which Boo and Dreamz start laughing. That pisses Rocky off even more. And why shouldn't it?
You know, I've seen some obnoxious people on this show and some obnoxious tribes, but I'm pretty sure this Moto Tribe takes the cake. I understand this is a competition and the prize is a million bucks. You can't afford to feel sorry for the other tribe. You can't afford to let your guard down. I get that. But to openly flaunt your success in the face of the losing tribe is about as cowardly and unsportsmanlike as it gets. Especially when you consider how this tribe got what they got. This is the 14th season of this show. That means there have been roughly 250 people on Survivor in its history. And never has there been a more coddled, well nourished, well rested group of Survivors ever. While you're sitting there rubbing it in the faces of the tribe with absolutely nothing, maybe you should take a minute to realize that you're the biggest bunch of sissies in the history of the game. You've been given everything. You're supposed to be winning. Imagine how some of the past Survivors would have performed with this kind of lifestyle in the game? Rob Mariano would have eaten guys like Boo and Dreamz for lunch. There are about 250 people sitting out there that know what this game is about and what it's like. And I'd wager that their disgusted by everything that you've been given and then even more disgusted with how you seem to feel that you're entitled to it. I mean, to laugh in the face of a tribe that you know has absolutely nothing, when you have everything? For Christ's sake, show a little bit of compassion and a little bit of class. In 14 seasons, I've never loathed a tribe like this one. Ever. Okay, rant over; let's get to the next Moto victory.