Survivor: Fiji

Love Many, Trust Few, Do Wrong To None

By Jim Van Nest

March 13, 2007

A rare Survivor moment where Rita's mouth was shut.

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Today's challenge, they will square off one on one, using large padded bags. You have to knock your opponent off the platform, Sumo-style to get a point. First team to get seven points wins reward and sends someone to Exile Island. Ravu chose potatoes and fishing gear. Moto chose coffee and toiletries. Winner takes all. As Dreamz starts laughing at the fishing gear again, Rocky challenges him in the first match. Good lord, if this isn't an old Eddie Murphy skit coming to life. Little Italian white man challenging the black guy that's about five inches taller, all around bigger and oh yeah, has been eating non-stop for two weeks. This can't end well. They square off in the middle and after about a minute, TO, I mean Dreamz deposits Rocky in the mud. 1-0 Moto.

Cassandra makes quick work of Rita. Edgardo takes about ten seconds to knock out Anthony. Lisi wipes out Michelle. Ravu's only real chance, Earl, is then taken out by Boo. Mookie is then dumped by Alex. 6-0 Moto. Ravu's hopes rest on Yau Man and whether or not he can take out Stacy. And WOO HOO, he does. 6-1 Moto. Next, we get a rematch of Cassandra and Rita. With one swing, Cassandra not only knocks Rita face first into the mud, not only sends Ravu to another crushing defeat, not only sends Earl back to Exile Island but she also (for the first time ever) makes me not want to keep watching this show. This is not fun. I mean, after two weeks of one tribe hardly eating while another eats like kings...this challenge was set up for Ravu to lose. You can't have that kind of discrepancy in nourishment and then have a one on one physical challenge. Frankly, that's just bullshit.

Well, during the commercials, I decided to keep watching - not because I want to, but because of you, my faithful readers. I know you're suffering through this crap with me and I couldn't let you down. So we come back to Moto and Stacy really likes coffee. Alex likes to be clean. Dreamz comes over talking about all their cool stuff and Stacy and Lisi completely ignore him. Stacy tells us how Dreamz and Cassandra are on the outside looking in and they're starting to get paranoid. She then mentions that they're all adults here. Of course, who's acting like the cool girl in high school right now? I hate these people. Okay, this is funny. Dreamz sits down to make himself a cup of coffee. He apparently put some grounds in his cup and poured hot water on them. I doubt he's ever had anything but instant coffee. Poor dude has a cup full of grounds. And naturally Stacy sits there watching the whole time and offers no assistance. Alex even says to her and Lisi, "Well if you guys know how to make it, tell him how to make it." Stacy says, "I'm not gonna tell him anything." Are you frickin' kidding me? How much more of a bitch can you possibly be? Alex is getting pissed. He does not like how rude they're being. He says it makes him sick. He tells us that in a game of instant karma like this, he doesn't believe that they would treat someone so bad. Forget the fact that they shouldn't do it ever, but when your neck could be on the line it's even more stupid. I wish I could include a video here to recap the expressions Stacy makes as Cassandra has the same issue with her coffee. I mean, for real, how can someone be so ignorant? These people have obviously never made brewed coffee before. I mean, I'm sure they're really sorry that they're not as privileged as you are, but for crying out loud, why not help them? This girl can't go home soon enough. Sharing my thoughts is Edgardo. He says they're on a power trip and if they keep going that way, he's gonna make sure they're out.


We join Earl on Exile and he gets a clue that tells him nothing that he didn't already know. He confirms that the problem is they don't have the right tools to dig with. So basically, this was just a small segment of show to tell us nothing we didn't already know.

Back at Ravu, Rita is talking. And talking. And talking. She's talking about makeup and models and fashion. It's enough to make Rocky quip, "Basically, I want to take my t-shirt and hang myself from a palm tree." Rocky and Anthony are talking about how annoying they are. Meanwhile, Rita's talking about how she looks high maintenance but she's really low maintenance. At this point, I'm ready for Rocky to, "...smack her with a fried pineapple."

At Moto, we see their first bit of strategy. Not surprisingly, it comes from Alex. He's trying to explain the numbers to Lisi and she doesn't get it. He tells her that if the tribes merge at ten and they win every challenge, it'll be 7-3 when the tribes merge. When Dreamz and Cassandra flip, it's 5-5. Her response, "Cool, whatever." Somewhere in Lisi-land, five is greater than five, I guess. Alex tries to tell Stacy the same thing and she wants no part of it. So he goes to Boo. He has to get it, right? Um, wrong. Only Edgardo gets it. He's of the opinion that if Stacy and Lisi keep it up, they need to have Dreamz and Cassandra close. He says they're not looking ahead in the game at all. We cut to Alex trying to have a pep-talk with the tribe. He's trying to include everyone now. Of course, Dreamz ain't buying it, "When we get into the merge, me and Cassandra are gonna leave and go with the other tribe." It's during this part that Stacy turns on the smile and plays along. Dreamz can't wait to turn the tables on these folks. And suddenly, I have a little bit of interest again.

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