Survivor: Cook Islands
By David Mumpower and Kim Hollis
October 21, 2006
Cue the world music! Now is the time on Survivor where we show the winning tribe from the latest immunity challenge. This group is called Aitu, and they begin day 15 by enjoying a swim. Some guy with a snorkel is slaughtering innocent fish because they have the audacity to swim in the waters he has inhabited for over two weeks now. This contestant is named Ozzy, and he has claimed the land! You know, the last guy to do that on television or film was Tom Cruise and let's just say that this is not the recent career trajectory Ozzy probably wants to follow...unless he's always dreamed of being lil' Dan Snyder's show pony. And if he has, who are we to judge?
Ozzy confides to the camera that he is Babe Winkelman of his tribe, knowing where all of the good spots are in his attempt to create his own seafood bistro for the denizens of Aitu. His companion, Jonathan, an angry looking man with a genuinely heinous fishin' hat, confirms that when it comes to capturing creatures of the sea, Ozzy is the man. We have no doubt that Adam could wipe the floor with Ozzy, but we will leave Jonathan to his fiction. It's dangerous to upset a writer with that much rage. We speak from experience here. Jonathan goes on to state that Ozzy is a strong physical threat and, in fact, the strongest competitor currently on his tribe. We think Ozzy would be good at eating the heads off of bats and mumbling incoherently about the difficulties of raising a family. That's it.
Aitu is thrilled by the news that a reward challenge is the offing. The rhyming couplet indicates that a feast will be given to the winners, making us wonder whether this bunch appreciates how much fish they've had relative to past contestants. Some tattooed freak with multi-colored Princess Leia hair is much more concerned about the fact that it's not an immunity challenge. A strange man named Cao Boi (pronounced cowboy?) takes this opportunity to prove himself a flake. The nail salon manager states that he likes to take the immunity idol with him everywhere as it makes him feel "more holy". We think this guy is too young to have been at Woodstock, but if the stoned hippy shtick fits...
Probst sighting! Hey Jeff, how ya been, man? We would have missed you if not for the racial profiling nonsense at the start of the season! The apple of Julie Berry's eye (as well as the inspiration for much of her body paint) informs the contestants that the winner will eat well. The loser will not. Both tribes, however, are going to be sending someone home tonight. It's time to thin the herd a little bit, and the producers recognize it.
The challenge for this week is brutal. Violence likes this generally gets an R rating from the MPAA. One contestant from each tribe grabs the base of a pole. Two of their opponents attempt to detach this player from said pole then drag the still-fighting competitor across a finish line. The first tribe to return three members of the opposition wins the feast.