Survivor: Game Changers Recap
By David Mumpower and Kim Hollis
April 3, 2017
Here, have some of the crazy juice that Debbie’s chugging.
“If Hali wants to do the balance beam even though she cost us peanut butter and jelly by DICKING AROUND FOR 10 FRICKIN MINUTES and I zipped across the balance beam in 30 seconds, that means you don’t respect me. It’s frickin’ nauseating, frustrating, AND I’M PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!”
The whole thing is like a Sean Spicer press conference.
Tai and Brad come down to the water to talk to her. While the audio doesn’t pick it up, she clearly shouts, “Not Brad!” when he tries to speak with her. She then acts buddy/buddy with Tai, venting to him about Brad’s many failures. Tai listens politely, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. Then, he calmly but sincerely relays to the camera, “I think Debbie’s just different. She’s like a crazy lady.”
Toward the end of her beach meltdown, she pulls a Terrell Owens and starts randomly doing push-ups. She also tells the camera that she has an eight-pack, pulling up her shirt to punctuate her point. Everyone handles failure differently, but Debbie’s inability to acknowledge her equilibrium issues is truly strange, even by Survivor standards.
The episode ends with Brad offering a simple apology. While we can’t imagine it is, he does a remarkable job of seeming sincere. Brad’s actually great at managing people. All he gets for his efforts on this occasion are the following words: “And the funniest thing to me. I had your back, man. I was loyal to you completely, I mean utterly. AND YOU CRUSHED MY HEART!!!” Then, she laughs maniacally. This is the problem we have with reality television. She needs a psych evaluation right now. Instead, she gets plenty of camera time for her nonsensical behavior.
Hey, other players are still involved in this season of Survivor! For example, JT is still shaking his head over his latest blunder. He’s a lonely man since he’d only bonded with Malcolm. And Malcolm is no longer there due to JT. With nothing else to do, JT somehow winds up mixing drinks for the other players. Michaela wants “seven drips of coffee and a spoonful of sugar.”
Sandra, the most vindictive person not currently in the White House, hatches a plan. Now that she knows that JT hates wasted sugar, she empties the sugar jar, knowing that he’ll immediately blame Michaela. Yes, Sandra has just framed Michaela for sugar theft, a new Survivor crime, and investigator JT wants a confession from an innocent woman. He also condescendingly calls her Honey Bun, which isn’t going to win him any friends on the internet.
Tai, Survivor genius, has picked up on some tension in his tribe. Rather than sit around camp and watch Debbie think up new ways to flay her “allies,” he goes in search of another hidden immunity idol. In a shocking surprise, he finds a clue almost immediately. Look, if Survivor isn’t fixed – and let’s be very clear that our stated opinion is that it’s totally fixed – the show’s crew would be the worst Hide and Go Seek players in the history of the universe. Survivor contestants find clues more easily than they find Debbie intolerable.