2013 Films in Haiku
By Curt David
December 30, 2013
Grudge Match
Two boxing rivals
Rematch 30 years later
Stallone. DeNiro.
The Hangover Part III
Back in Las Vegas
Three friends have another night
Of raunch, danger, fun
Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters
Hansel and Gretel
Grown-ups with guns and crossbows
Hunting them witches.
A Haunted House
It reminds me of
Par’normal Activity.
But a Parody.
The Heat
Two cops assigned case
But can they work together
They’re very diff'rent
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
Dwarves, Elves, and hobbit
Want to destroy a dragon
And there’s a wizard
Homefront
Druglord kidnaps girl
Father kicks @$$, gets her back
That is the whole plot.
The Host
Guy and girl in love
Alien in girl’s body
Can the love survive?
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
Katniss loves two boys
Has to return to death games
$h*t will hit the fan
Identity Thief
When he discovers
His identity’s stolen
He will get it back.
The Impossible
Massive tidal wave
Family struggles to survive
And find each other
The Incredible Burt Wonderstone
Two bad magicians
Have to compete with new guy
Ridiculousness
Insidious Chapter 2
There’s a family
Who had dealt with bad spirits
It happens again
Instructions Not Included
Mom drops off baby
Single dad has to raise her
What if mom comes back?
The Internship
Two guys lose their jobs
Become interns at google
With young college kids
Iron Man 3
Iron Man is back
The villain takes his girlfriend
Action and revenge
Jack the Giant Slayer
Jack and the Beanstalk
Lots of giants and fighting
And a love story
Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa
Guy dressed as grandpa
Films live reactions from folks
Kind of like Borat
Jobs
The Steve Jobs story
From his start to his success
And all in between
Jurassic Park 3D
Guy makes dinosaurs
People come to see them all
$&*! T-Rex is loose!
Kevin Hart: Let Me Explain
Documentary
Kevin Hart's Comedy Tour
With lots of stand-up
Kick-Ass 2
Regular Joes fight
They’re real life superheroes
They {insert title}
The Last Exorcism Part II
Girl needs exorcism
They strap her down to do it
Then strange things happen
The Last Stand
Arnold is Sheriff
He talks, shoots guns, blow things up
I don’t know the plot
Last Vegas
Old guy getting hitched
Calls up old friends for Vegas
Senior jokes ensue
Lee Daniels' The Butler
A White House Butler
And his part in history
A real-life story
The Lone Ranger
Guy almost was killed
An Indian saves his life
He’s The Lone Ranger
Machete Kills
US hires man
To beat up all the bad guys
He knows how to kill
Mama
Couple’s adoption
Gives them two creepy daughters
Their dead mom comes back
Man of Steel
Bad guy from planet
Demands Superman or else
He’ll destroy the Earth.
Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom
Nelson Mandela
Biography of his life
And fight for freedom
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