2013 Films in Haiku
By Curt David
December 30, 2013
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2
Guy has to return
To place that makes food monsters
Dangerous mission
The Company You Keep
Reporter finds out
There are fugitives at large
Are they innocent?
The Conjuring
Based on true story
People move to possessed house
Spooky scares abound
The Counselor
Guy has a new wife
He gets caught up with crime stuff
The sh*t hits the fan
The Croods
Caveman Family
Are forced to leave their safe cave
Adventure ensues
Dallas Buyers Club
Guy gets HIV
But needs meds from Mexico
Then becomes dealer
Dark Skies
Normal Family
Scary things and strange events
Horror aliens?
Dead Man Down
Girl blackmails a guy
Tells him to kill a bad man
Lots of explosions
Delivery Man
Man donates his sperm
He now has five hundred kids!
What’s he gonna do?
Despicable Me 2
Ex-Evil Bad Guy
Will Help Good Guys Save the World
Minions are so cool
Don Jon
Jon, good-looking guy
Meets very good looking girl
And he looks at porn
Elysium
Poor people on Earth
Rich people in space station
It’s time to have war
Ender's Game
World needs a hero
Hires kid with gaming skills
He’ll fight aliens
Enough Said
Girl is a masseuse
Client insults ex-husband
Who is girl's new date!
Epic
A girl shrinks her size
Joins battle of leaf fairies
Funny slug sidekicks
Escape from Planet Earth
There are aliens
Humans captured them on Earth
They need to escape!
Escape Plan
Man goes to prison
To see if he can break out
But it’s a set-up
Evil Dead
Teens go to cabin
Unleash evil in the woods
Then horror happens
The Family
A mob family
Goes to witness protection
Still acts like the mob
Fast & Furious 6
Bad guys drive fast cars
F and F crew recruited
Crazy fast car stunts
The Fifth Estate
Man makes Wikileaks
Tells secrets. Gets in trouble
Based on true story
Free Birds
Turkeys make a plan
To change course of history
Thanksgiving cartoon!
Frozen
Princess runs away
So land becomes snow covered
We need to find her!
Fruitvale Station
Guy is drug dealer
At subway, bad things happen
Based on true story
G.I. Joe: Retaliation
Dangerous bad guys
G. I. Joe to the rescue
They can save the Earth!
Gangster Squad
In Mafia Days
Cops start secret dirty war
To take down mob boss.
Getaway
Guy’s wife is kidnapped
To get her back, he’ll do crimes
And drive really fast
A Good Day to Die Hard
A Die Hard movie
John McClane teams up with son
Russians are bad guys
The Grandmaster
Action packed movie
Fighter becomes a legend
(will then train Bruce Lee)
Gravity
Disaster in space
Astronaut falls off station
It’s imminent death
The Great Gatsby
Rich guy likes a girl
She’s married and has short hair
Drama and kissing
Grown Ups 2
There are four best friends
They move back to their hometown
A moose pees on one
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