Survivor: Blood vs. Water - Episode 3

Opening Pandora's Box

By Ben Willoughby

October 3, 2013

The show helped me realize that I can do much better than Tyson.

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Tyson, do you want to take Rachel’s spot? Tyson says that it’s up to Rachel, but she volunteers to stay, saying that Tyson has a better chance to win than she does. That’s certainly true. Rachel seems like an awfully nice person, but I don’t think I’ve seen anyone less suited to playing Survivor, and I’ve seen people who were afraid of leaves. I’ve seen people who were unable to start a fire with matches. I’ve seen someone tell Boston Rob he was considering voting for Boston Rob.

Anyway, Tyson gets up to poke some needles at the other tribe. “You guys watch out, because if I ever see you at Redemption Island, none of you have a chance in Hell.” And at Brad in particular. “Mr Football over there, smiling at me.” In response, Brad gives an exaggerated wave he thinks is charming. Tyson continues. “You’re big, but that’s the worst thing in this game.”

Brad argues back. “We haven’t wanted to vote anyone out, but we’ve had to. You guys cheer over there when you win, and we gotta go home and get rid of one of your loved ones. You guys haven’t had the difficult conversations we’ve had. Nobody has been voted out over there, so don’t start throwing arrows at us.” Normally these would be good arguments, but the Tadhana votes have been for personal reasons, like “I don’t like the way Gervase celebrates” and “let’s vote out Rachel to get to Tyson.” You can’t vote for personal reasons then complain when people take it personally.

Marissa mocks Brad’s claims that these votes were “difficult,” and says that the votes should have been easy by voting out the two weakest players. Survivor: Borneo flashback! Gervase was right – Marissa really is like him. Brad explains about as condescendingly as he can, “We’re playing Survivor, babe! Maybe there’s more to it than that.”


“F--- you, Brad Culpepper!”, says Marissa. That was excellent, as it’s not everyone who would say that to a former defensive tackle, but Gervase is correct to step in and tell Marissa she needs to tone it down and stay focused on what she has to do. Anyway, Probst must be thrilled, because this whole “taking it personally” drama is exactly what they brought Redemption Island back for. It was never this exciting when everyone was trying to beat Matt.

And now Colton, who hasn’t anything to do with anything, starts crying. “What are you crying about?” asks Probst dismissively. “I don’t want to be here anymore. At all. And I’m sorry.” “Don’t quit, Colton,” Rachel says half-heartedly. “I can’t do this,” blubs Colton. Roll credits.

After the break, we are back with Colton. “I don’t want to do this anymore,” he says. “Meaning what, you’re quitting? Again?” because if there’s one thing Probst hates, it is quitters. Probst chides Colton for coming back a second time claiming that he had changed and was completely different, when really he’s the same old Colton. “I don’t care about this tribe,” protests Colton. Boo hoo! If Colton was on a tribe he supposedly cared about he’d be turning them against each other and making them angry and miserable.

Probst says that it’s clear that Colton doesn’t care, because he “is costing them a tribe member in a game about numbers.” Colton tries to argue that quitting is the best move for him, but Probst insists it is a selfish move. Of course, Colton’s whole game-plan that he cannot play is to weaken his tribe, so for once there is actually an argument that Colton’s leaving actually makes the tribe stronger.

Probst wants to send a message home, and he says that on Colton’s first season he “feigned appendicitis” and asks, “do you want to own that one now?” Colton objects that he doesn’t know what it was and that he was treated for a bacterial infection – though, let’s face it, everyone on Survivor probably has a bacterial infection – and says that “when my back is against the wall in this game, I turn into the person I was in One World, and I don’t want to be that person. I’m tired of being hated by everybody.”

Continued:       1       2       3       4       5       6       7



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