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Tyson claims that he wants to get people to turn on their loved ones, and points out that the loved one of the first player voted out immediately becomes a “major wild card.” Anyway, Rachel Amazing-Races it by claiming that Survivor is “going to make us stronger.” “Stronger than we already are,” Tyson says, with a silent question mark at the end.

“Why would you put your girlfriend through this?” I am so sick of this question from EW. “The closer it gets, the more I ask myself that,” says Tyson, and that Rachel has “no clue about the train that is about to hit her.” “But you know how tough I am, right? I mean, look at me.” “Yeah,” Tyson is forced to deadpan, “you’re very tough.”

EW claims that Tyson is “the big Survivor guy” and asks if it would be a blow to Tyson’s ego if Rachel outplays him? Tyson asks “why am I the Survivor guy?” and EW claims that in Utah Tyson must strut around and stuff. Tyson says “More incompetent people have beaten me at this game so it’s not insulting in the least because she’s not the least competent person in this game to beat me” “I guess that’s a compliment,” says Rachel.

Anyway, Tyson continues with this motif. “People get better when they come back. I’ve gotten progressively worse.” says Tyson, and says that on current form he’ll see EW again in three days. This is why I don’t mind Tyson. Sure his snark is a way of getting attention and camera time, but he’s not delusional and is willing to mock himself.

But it’s back to mocking other people, as Tyson is dismissive of all the players from Survivor: One World. “They are all children.” He describes Monica as a 45-year-old who dresses like she’s 30, and Colton as an emotional child. He thinks it won’t be difficult to turn them against each other.

Assessment: Tyson has probably been reliving his dumb move from Heroes vs. Villains since it aired, but I think he knows the game reasonably well. Making the right alliances can take him far, but I don't think the others will like him much as they will always be wondering what he's saying to the cameras. Rachel doesn't look like she has what it takes for Survivor, no matter how tough Tyson says she is.

Colton and Caleb

Personally, I’m not happy to see Colton back. He’s one of those people who was picked on in high school and found his niche by hanging out with the mean girls' clique. I don’t begrudge Colton for this. High school’s like prison, in that you do what you have to do to survive, but once you’re out you have to leave it behind. You can’t be that person forever. Brooks didn’t learn this in The Shawshank Redemption, Henry Hill didn’t learn it in Goodfellas, but Colton should have learned it by now. Instead, he’s stuck being Gretchen Weiners well into adulthood.

If that isn’t enough, he describes himself as “adorable” and reminds me of Canada’s Prime Minister. I'm not sure which is creepier. No wait, it's the Canada thing.

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