Survivor: One World Recap

Never Say Die

By Kim Hollis and David Mumpower

April 26, 2012

I always have the idol! Even when I don't have the idol, I have the idol!

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The faux drama continues when Kim returns and asks Kat to sit by her. Kat refuses and keeps right on pouting. Kim and Kat “discuss” what happened, and Kim does note that her choice to take Chelsea rather than Kat was the first non-strategic move she has made, and she is regretting it.

Back from commercial break, and a pretty large pig shows up at camp. No, really. We’re guessing the producers stuck the poor little guy out there to see what the Survivors will do. The chorus of “Kill the pig!” is repeated over and over again.

A goofy musical accompaniment is played while they try to capture the pig. It squeals…like a pig, which is what Troyzan will be doing at Tribal Council later. We’re rooting for the pig, honestly, because he’s pretty cute. Kim concurs with our opinion.

We guess that the little dude gets away, because it’s time for another Probst sighting. Today’s Immunity Challenge will have each person lubing their body (huh huh) with oil and sliding down a track to try to grab some rings. Once they get the ring, they must aim it at a target. Each round is played in heats of two, with the person winning their heat moving on to the next round.

Since Tarzan wins his heat against Troyzan, the winner of the challenge really doesn’t matter since we know exactly who is going home now. This has been the worst game of “It’s anyone but…” since, well, two weeks ago.

For those who care about such things, the final round of the game comes down to Chelsea vs. Kim, with the latter taking the Immunity Necklace.

Now we’ll get to spend a ridiculous five to seven minutes or so where the show’s producers try to convince us that Troyzan has some sort of chance at staying in the game. He continues pretending to have a hidden Immunity Idol, so Kim decides that they’ll split the vote between Troyzan and Christina. Sabrina takes the novel approach of being honest and telling Christina that they are throwing her a couple of votes. Oddly, Christina seems to take it pretty well.


“Christina’s IQ is probably a zero. I don’t know if that even exists.” –Alicia, reminding us why we think she’s a candidate for Worst Person in the World.

The show’s producers continue to attempt some deception during Tribal Council, as they keep the Alicia/Christina hate train moving forward. Alicia talks some crap about how Christina doesn’t deserve to be in the game. Christina counters by saying she, like, totally deserves to be there and stuff. There is no guile, no thought, no effort put into any of her answers, just as there has been no strategy put into her game. It’s like she’s reconciled to finishing in sixth.

Before the vote, Troyzan is asked how he feels about the vote. He says he feels good. He should feel as good about this vote as he should about the fact that he asks people to call him Troyzan. Moments later, Troyzan is voted out of Survivor. He can now go and join the disinterested-looking men on the jury.

Ladies and gentlemen, the last remaining man in the game is Tarzan. We feel like some very bitter people are paying up on bar bets right now.

Continued:       1       2       3       4



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