Survivor: One World Recap

One Beach, Two Tribes

By David Mumpower and Kim Hollis

February 21, 2012

My lawyer's gonna get so much money from Survivor.

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Probst sighting!

Our favorite reality television host is riding in a helicopter, recounting the rules mentioned above. The editing shows a few characters boldly proclaiming the reasons why they will be dangerous players. One guy believes that his effeminate nature will cause women to adore him while he slides under the radar with men who will not see him as a threat. A woman forcibly reminds us of Micronesia when she brags about the way she will manipulate any dude who makes the mistakes of crushing on her. And a sushi chef brags about his survival skills. Hope springs eternal on day one of Survivor.
The Survivors reach camp and disembark from their vehicles. Everyone smiles broadly as they see Jeff Probst for the first time. He immediately begins to quiz some of the players. A woman who identifies herself as Kourtney is wearing one of those knit hats that resemble cute animals. We immediately place her odds at winning Survivor as 70 million to one. Kourtney is asked how she fits in with the other women and, to her credit, she acknowledges that she doesn’t fit in well. The gay man from the truck is asked about the other men and he states that there are some good looking men but that none of them is as good looking as him. Todd Herzog, the winner of Survivor: China, immediately springs to mind.

A manipulated moment occurs next. A man is asked to identify himself and he claims that his name is Tarzan…Greg Tarzan. Presumably, he’ll want his rice shaken, not stirred. Of course, his actual last name is Smith, but we won’t let facts get in the way of island fantasies. Remarkably, this notification irritates another man on the tribe. This guy states that the other guy cannot be Tarzan, because he is “Troyzan”. Yes, the producers of Survivor have cast older men who self-identify as Tarzan and Troyzan. We quickly review the cast list to see if any of the women are named Jane. To our surprise, none is. This strikes us as a missed opportunity. The only way Survivor could fix this mistake would be for another male to call himself George O. Jungle.


After letting the Tarzan news sink in, Probst announces to the tribes that this season starts as a battle of the sexes. The men are in Manono tribe while the women are in Salani. At this point, we notice for the first time that one of the men is a little person, which is a phenomenal casting idea. Hopefully, he will not have a NaOnka on his tribe. We are still salty about Kelly Bruno’s treatment during Survivor: Nicaragua.

The women celebrate this turn of events while Probst points out how freaked out the men are over the absence of women in their group. Once it is revealed to them, the dudes will realize that they’re all sharing the same camp, so they will have more women around than any tribe in the history of the show .

Continued:       1       2       3       4       5       6       7



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