Survivor: South Pacific

Ticking Time Bomb

By Jim Van Nest, Survivor Analyst

December 13, 2011

Unquestionably the most satisfying moment of the season.

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We come back from break to everyone at Redemption Island and they're all playing with their *insert product placement* phone, taking pictures and having a good time. Coach seeks out Ozzy and tells him that he gives him his word "as a Christian man" that he will take Ozzy and one other person to the final three. Yeah, right. But then he tells us in confessional that when he gives his word "as a Christian man", that's irrevocable. What??? Did he really just make a legit final three deal with Ozzy? I mean, I get it. You tell Ozzy what he wants to hear and then should he win out, maybe you have a deal in place with him. That's just good game play. As it is, Coach has a deal with everyone (kinda sounds like Mariano's game). But to actually mean it? Well, that's Colby-level dumb right there. Ozzy is the one person guaranteed to beat NOT take him to the final tribal. He's already got four votes sitting in Ponderosa just begging to get the chance to vote for him. Insanity, that's what it is.

Um, wait a second. I take that back. Insanity is what happens next. We join Brandon talking to his dad and telling him how inspirational he'll be and how he's spitting on the million dollars. His dad tries to talk him into NOT being loyal and that he needs to play to win this game...not to set an example. Brandon tries to tell his dad that he's changed while he's been there. So naturally, what would a Hantz do? If you said, "Go to Coach and essentially tell him to carry his kid to the final three" then you're the winner. Are you frickin' kidding me?


Coach tells us about how Hantz the elder tried to bully him into taking Brandon to the finals. Before he leaves, he tells his son to do whatever Coach says to do. If he wins a challenge, he needs to ask Coach what to do. I honestly don't believe what I'm seeing...but I'll say this right now. If Probst gets the bright idea to put this douchebag on a future season of Survivor, I WILL stop watching. Four Hantz-filled seasons are enough. I can't do a fifth. As we head to break, Coach tells us that Brandon is too much of a ticking time bomb. But the ticking you hear isn't the bomb, it's Brandon's clock in this game ticking down. Oooh, Coach is gonna piss off the Hantzes!!

And it's a Probst Sighting!! Today's immunity challenge is one of those puzzle board, flip over the piece as you step onto it. You stay in as long as you have a place to step that hasn't been touched yet. We've seen these all the time and I have to go with the smartest person out there and suggest that Sophie will/should dominate this one. Albert is the first one to run out of spaces and he is out of this challenge. Next to fall is Brandon. He tells Albert about his strategy, which was to stop Edna from winning the challenge. Which gives her the chance to bitch and moan some more about her fate in this game. Good lord, can we just fast forward to her going home? As they give us an overhead shot, Coach has almost a full quarter of the board to work with, while everyone else is running out of room. Rick, Sophie and then Edna drop out and Coach wins immunity. In a nice touch of irony, Edna explains that it's been a team game so far and they should get ready for it to be individual. Really? Sounds like Edna's the one who needs to realize this. Please make it stop.

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