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Survivor: South Pacific

A castaway makes a big move

By Kim Hollis and David Mumpower

December 1, 2011

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Back at camp, Albert is being weird to Edna, who is trying to do some laundry. He lies in the hammock while she works. Meanwhile, Cochran goes out to “help” the other dudes fish. Rick actually takes Edna’s side and…oh my God. He speaks! Has he ever spoken before in the history of the show? We just figured that every time Rick talks, a baby panda dies or something, so he was being taciturn for a reason. Anyway, the tribe apparently has nicknamed Albert “Prince Albert” or something because of his seeming air of privilege. There is no sign of Sophie through this small piece of conflict.

Soon afterward, Edna confirms with Coach that she’s on the outside looking in (other than Cochran, anyway). Coach comments that it would be an ideal situation to take Cochran and Edna to the end, because they’d never vote him out. He’s torn between keeping them around and staying true to his word with his alliance. Coach is exactly who we’ve always believed him to be, a sniveling poser hypocrite.

We’re going to ignore a little segment where Coach teaches Cochran some Tai Chi on the beach because it’s stupid. We’ll just move right on ahead to a Probst Sighting™ so that we can get the Immunity Challenge out of the way. Along with Immunity, the winner will get a shower and a massage.

The challenge involves throwing beanbags onto three target boxes. The first three players to get three bags on their boxes will move to the next round. Albert is the first person to move forward, followed shortly afterward by Rick. The final spot comes down to a battle between Cochran, Coach and Sophie, and the strongest remaining Survivor wins. Have a seat, Coach and Cochran. Sophie is moving on.




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The final portion of the challenge has the three competitors using a slingshot to hurl coconuts at three targets. The first person to hit all three will get immunity and a massage. Rick jumps out to an early lead, but Albert leaps ahead and takes the prize. Jeff tells him that he can bring one person on the reward with him, and Albert chooses…Coach. WTF, Albert? Anyway, we’re moving past that because he’s asking if he can take someone else. When Probst tells him no, he asks if he can give his reward to someone else. When he is given the green light to do so, Albert says that he wants to let the birthday boy have the reward. Thus, Coach and Cochran are off for a shower and a massage, while everyone else heads back to camp.

Kim speculates that Albert is trying to get rid of both of them so the remaining players can talk about them while they’re gone. David thinks that Albert is trying to secure Cochran’s vote for the final tribal council. Cochran figures that Albert is either trying to curry favor with him or give him a nice farewell present.

And so it is that we have reached a new low in network television. Coach is taking a shower. Where is the FCC when we really need it? Cochran reveals that his birthday was actually six months ago, but at least the lie is working for him. You know a Survivor player is desperate when he steals the intellectual property of Jonny Fairplay.


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