Survivor: Nicaragua Recap

Turf Wars

By Kim Hollis and David Mumpwer

October 13, 2010

I love rules.

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Previously on Survivor, we missed Jimmy Johnson so much – and so did his tribe. If you’re a football fan, you’ll remember that before Jimmy Johnson arrived as coach for the Dallas Cowboys, that team couldn’t win a thing. Since he left 13 years ago (excluding the year after he left when Barry Switzer won with all of Johnson’s players), that team hasn’t won. The elder tribe is experiencing a similar effect. The moment they voted him out, they had no direction and completely lost their way. Buyer’s remorse set in immediately, especially since they had no real strategic reason to vote him off other than the fact that he was the oldest member of the tribe and they wanted the thrill of voting off the big celebrity.

The net result of this tragic vote was that the older tribe was left with Dan, a guy who really can’t compete in challenges, still a member of their tribe. Even worse, they were also stuck with Jimmy T., who took every opportunity to remind them that he is actually the most annoying person in the world – and he is on a team with Holly. In terms of personality flaws, Jimmy T. is pretty high up there. He’s oddly self-absorbed for a man his age, and absolutely cannot stand to sit on the sidelines. To his own detriment, he never shut up for a moment, and this led to his demise. In the end, Espada chose to keep peace and quiet (Dan) over loud and obnoxious (Jimmy T.). The only people not to vote for Jimmy T. (other than him, of course) were Holly and Jane. We learned in Probst’s blog that Tribal Council was spent telling Jimmy T. about his many defects and making him feel generally bad about himself.


Now, the group is left with two dudes who can compete well enough in challenges (Marty and Tyrone) and everyone else. The show is called Survivor, and we don’t think the old people can. Seriously, if the camera crew left, all of these people would die – and Marty would claim that everything is going exactly as he planned. Seriously, he has to be the worst real-life manager in the world.

As the show begins, Holly is telling us that Tribal Council did not go as she had expected. She had used the logic that they should vote off the weakest player (Dan), which is frankly better strategy than we had expected of Holly. However, she was a big proponent of Jimmy T.’s notion that he should be put in charge for a while. This would like telling someone that you wanted to fire them and then promoting them to CEO. You don’t often see the last guy on the bench come in, miss six shots, then get rewarded by being named the new head coach. In theory, she is a swim coach, but we’re not sure what her qualifications are. For that matter, we’re not sure she can swim.

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