Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains Recap

By Kim Hollis and David Mumpower

February 17, 2010

They voted her off first? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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The Useless Contingent is the trio of Jerri, Coach and Evil Loser Russell. Jerri decried her Survivor experience whenever possible, even attempting to deride the game during the post-finale live telecast for Survivor: All-Stars. It is telling that the entire live studio audience turned on her. Her main reason for returning is to continue her feud with Colby, the boy she liked who humiliated her on national television. And speaking of nationally televised humiliation, the last time we saw Evil Loser Russell, he was desperately trying to bribe the actual winner of his season in order to proclaim himself a better player. It was a fitting act of desperation for the most overrated player since Rob Cesternino. And we think Cesternino would wipe the floor with Russell. The total fraud is a non-factor this season just as he was last year in spite of the editing. We'll use him as a punchline as that's all he's good for. As for Coach, after seeing Russell for a full season, we're inclined to offer him an apology. Yes, he's an inveterate liar who is clearly mentally unstable but at least he doesn't have a pure hatred of women. All three of these people fall into the Comic Relief category. None of them is on a par with the better returning strategists, much less the great ones.

So, who are the best Villains this year? If we were playing on the Villains side, the three people who we would view as the strongest threats are Sandra, Parvati and Boston Rob. We feel a bit strange about putting Parvati on the level of the other two, but the explanation for this is simple. She won Micronesia, a season that was effectively a trial run for Heroes vs. Villains. Two of the people in her alliance that year have returned this season, meaning that if Cirie, Parvati and Amanda make the merge, history could repeat itself. We have to believe that the other contestants will do everything in their power to prevent that from happening, though.


As for Boston Rob, there is no amount of praise we may offer him that would be enough for how impressed we are by him as a reality show contestant. He dominated the first All-Stars competition physically as well as mentally and the only reason he didn't win it was a showing of sour grapes from those he had vanquished. Since his future wife got the money instead, it wasn't even an effective repudiation of his tactics. When Rob and Amber went on The Amazing Race, they absolutely eviscerated the competition and would have won handily had the producers of that show not interfered by stopping a plane from take-off. It's the worst fix we've ever seen on reality television. Rob Mariano is THE best contestant in the history of reality television competition. If the other players allow him to make any in-roads whatsoever in terms of forming alliances, they deserve to lose. There is simply no excuse for him to be allowed to survive any longer than is absolutely necessary. He's just too dangerous.

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