The Poison Apple Needs to Go
By Kim Hollis and David Mumpower
February 19, 2009
Previously on Survivor, we learned the following: a single step, or the distance covered in a step. We are, however, unsure if Sandy ever learned this.
Also, a bunch of people we'd never seen before were dropped off in a place we'd never heard of. Two of them were immediately voted off, except it turned out that they weren't. Instead, they got helicopter escorts to camp. One of them worked hard to gain her tribe's trust, while the other selfishly tried to find an immunity idol. The latter seemed screwed right up until she acquitted herself well in an immunity challenge. At this point, Survivor had its first sandbagging of the season, which unfortunately led to the hottest woman this season getting the surprise boot. The best-looking contestants really ought to get immunity to the merge, we think.
Also, we found out that Coach is from Knoxville, but we do not claim him. Instead, we take delight in the fact that he was fired from his soccer gig this week. We particularly love that he's saying he was fired because he'd "gone Hollywood".
The hours after tribal council see Sandy gleefully celebrating her unexpected stay of execution. She combines modesty and schadenfreude in stating that it wasn't that she didn't anything well, but that Carolina employed bad strategy. Honestly, it wasn't even strategy that undid Carolina. It was just her overbearing personality. In reviewing last week's episode, we noticed that the editors went out of their way to show that she wasn't a bad person, just a leader who could not rally her troops. Almost immediately after Sandy states that she thinks she's in it for the long haul now, a couple of her other tribe members state that she's clearly the next target.
It's Day Four at Jalapao, aka the loser tribe. They decide they need protein, and how will they get that? By busting up a mound of termites and chowing down. When these idiots return to the mainland and bring the plague with them, we won't hesitate to break out the machetes and start with the decapitation. Even though he's not on this tribe, we're going to start with Coach just to be safe.
Seeking to avoid a similar fate to apparently doomed Sandy, the other tribe's Sierra enlists some help in order to search for the immunity idol. She forms an alliance with Brendan and they start seeking clues. To their credit, they know what a pace is. After finding the first clue, the two of them dig a pretty big hole as they search for the idol, right as the production staff cuts back to camp and Debra expresses concern about their prolonged absence. She heads down to the beach and immediately notices a giant hole. Sierra impresses us by thinking quickly on her feet, explaining their actions as an attempt to build a bonfire pit for later that evening. Debra totally buys it and tells their tribemates how great they are. Everyone seems intrigued except for Candace, who bluntly states that she will not be attending. And with that bitchy dismissal, Sierra and Brendan appear to be in the clear with the standing excuse to search the beach as much as they want. We wanted to make a Bonfire of the Vanities joke, but we didn't think anyone would remember it by now.