Survivor: Gabon - Earth's Last Eden

Want To See The Elephant Dung?

By Jim Van Nest

September 26, 2008

One of these was voted off in the first hour. We can't be bothered to figure out which.

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Hello, good people, and welcome to the 17th season of the reality TV giant, Survivor. My name is Jim and I'll be taking you through the journey that will be known as Survivor: Gabon, Earth's Last Eden. Seeing as I'm here and stuff, I guess it's pretty obvious that I am NOT one of the 18 lucky contestants, despite the phenomenal efforts of my "Get me on Survivor" campaign last season.

I'm actually quite excited about tonight as CBS finally listened to the fans and decided to go with a two hour premiere. That will definitely help us get to know the players faster. Of course, they're actually showing two episodes, with two votes, rather than one long episode, so they don't TOTALLY get it. But it's definitely a start. This season is also in one of the most exotic locations ever as they go back to Africa. The country of Gabon, to be exact. The wildlife promises to be as plentiful as ever and may even get into the action. The locale looks to be as beautiful as in any other season of Survivor. So much so, that they're going with the "Earth's Last Eden" theme. My only question on this is will we have to listen to a whole bunch of crap about biting the apple? Like two seasons of James getting his apple bitten wasn't enough. One final addition this season, and I'm not sure it's a positive, is that this is the first season being shot in HD. While that will be great for the scenery and animals, I'm not really sure I want to see these people in hi-def - especially not after three weeks living in the jungle. What good can possibly come of that? Well, that's enough from me; the show's starting, so I guess I'll turn it over to the Emmy-winning Jeff Probst.


Right off the bat we get some outstanding wildlife shots as we scan the area this season will take place in. Jeff comes in to tell us that 18 people are playing this season and we get to hear a little about them. First up are the 2004 Olympic gold medalist and she's fast. Next is the physics teacher who commercially fishes in the summer. We meet what looks to be Dreamz V 2.0, who tells us he's not proud of some of the things he's done. Next up is a Right Said Fred wannabe with a British accent. As they follow their native guides to the start of the game, they are all in street clothes and Jeff hits us with the tagline: 18 people, 39 days, 1 Survivor!

As the gang gets to Probst, we start this season a little differently. He has them give their name and occupation. So, to help you guys, I'll go ahead and run through them with you. First up is Danny. He's the guy I compared to Dreamz. He's a maintenance supervisor. Bob's a physics teacher (and bowtie wearer). Jacque sells medical devices and Ken is a professional video game player. Marcus is in the medical field and Charlie is a management consultant. Mattie is a personal trainer and Susie is a hairdresser. Paloma is a server and Randy is a videographer (and professional tool, it would see.) Right Said Fred is actually Ace - he's a photographer. Crystal is the gold medalist, but she tells them she's a teacher. Kelly is a buyer for a retail store in Chicago, and she seems very proud of that. Corinne is a pharmaceutical sales rep and a self proclaimed bitch. Dan is up next and he claims he's a former attorney who's trying to find himself. Michelle is up next and she works in film, while Sugar is pinup model. Gillian is a nurse, wife, mother and grandmother.

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