2013 Films in Haiku
By Curt David
December 30, 2013
Monsters University
When Mike and Sully
From Monsters Inc., were younger
They met in college
The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones
Girl can see demons
Joins group to fight the dark side
Fantasy Action
Movie 43
Very famous cast
Does film with raunchy humor
There’s not more to say.
Mud
Outlaw in hiding
Befriends two young boys for help
He loves a woman
Now You See Me
Group of magicians
Steal from banks to give to poor
FBI is mad
Oblivion
Humans have left Earth
Government sends back one man
He discovers truth
Olympus Has Fallen
White House is taken
One guard is our only hope
From the terrorists
One Direction: This is Us
Five regular boys
Become world famous boy band
This is their story
Out of the Furnace
Brother gets kidnapped
Police won’t do anything
He’ll become the law
Oz the Great and Powerful
The Wizard of Oz
Where did the wizard come from?
Here’s his backstory.
Pacific Rim
Guy is recruited
Controls robot with his mind
To fight large monsters
Pain and Gain
Three bodybuilders
Decide to rob a rich man
It’s a true story
Paranoia
Smart guy is hired
To find intel from others
He is double-crossed
Parker
Tough man wants payback
Teams up with sexy J.Lo
To bring down bad guys.
Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters
Demi-gods at camp
Destroyer of Gods coming
Must find fleece to win
Phantom
Crew on submarine
May cause World War 3 with bomb
Should they press button?
Philomena
Woman had a son
Taken from her years ago
She has to find him
The Place Beyond the Pines
There’s a stunt biker
Robs banks to support his son
Police after him
Planes
Like the movie Cars
Plane wants to be a racer
Underdog story
Prisoners
Two girls abducted
Dads take law into own hands
Cops ineffective
Promised Land
Corporation comes
To buy out small town farmers
They pull together
The Punk Singer
Documentary
Of feminist punk singer
From "Bikini Kill"
The Purge
All crime is legal
On just one night every year
Will you survive it?
Quartet
Four friends reunite
At musicians nursing home
They sing opera
R.I.P.D
Guy dies. Then “wakes” up
Joins Rest In Peace Department
He stops bad dead men
Red 2
Ex- CIA men
Are now on hit list to die
They’re old and kick @$$
Riddick
Unstoppable guy
Bounty Hunters capture him
He fights aliens
Runner Runner
Bad guy hired guy
Bad guy frames guy for bad stuff
Guy needs to survive
Rush
Two racecar drivers
Their rivalry on the track
Based on true story
Safe Haven
Girl moves to new town
Based on Nicholas Sparks book
Love but there’s secrets.
Saving Mr. Banks
Mary Poppins book
Disney wants to make a film
Author not selling
Scary Movie 5
It reminds me of
Par’normal Activity
But a Parody
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
Guy has boring life
Stops dreaming and starts living
Has an adventure
Side Effects
Girl Gets Medicine
Murder, Drama, Sex Happens
Something about pills
The Smurfs 2
There are evil smurfs
They want to capture Smurfette
Smurfs to the rescue!
Snitch
Son wrongly in jail
The Rock needs to lay smack down
To get son justice
The Spectacular Now
High school party guy
Falls for normal high school girl
They learn about love
Spring Breakers
Girls rob bank for trip
Most wild spring break ever
Illegal actions
Stand Up Guys
Old man has a friend
But he has to murder him
First they hit the town
Stark Trek Into Darkness
A bad guy escapes
Enterprise goes after him
The good guys might fail?
Texas Chainsaw 3D
Guy has a chainsaw
He wears a mask and kills folks
And it's in 3D
This is the End
The rapture happens
How do famous stars react
All played by themselves
Thor: The Dark World
Thor needs his brother
To help save the universe
He has a hammer
Turbo
Snail wants to be fast
Radiation makes him fast
Time for Indy race
Tyler Perry Presents Peeples
Guy meets girl’s parents
He wants to ask for her hand
Father disapproves
Tyler Perry's A Madea Christmas
No-nonsense black gal
Go spends Christmas with rednecks
Comedy ensues
Tyler Perry's Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor
Married guy and girl
Girl seduced by other man
More drama happens
Walking with Dinosaurs
Baby dinosaur
Has to become the leader
Watch for carnivores!
Warm Bodies
There’s a boy zombie
He falls in love with human.
Gets complicated.
The Way, Way Back
Awkward high school kid
Finds himself during summer
Working at a pool
We're the Millers
Guy has to get drugs
Gets “wife,” “children” for cover
“Wife” is a stripper
White House Down
Soldier in White House
Terrorists take President
One guy versus all
The Wolf of Wall Street
Guy works at Wall Street
Makes a lot, a lot, of cash
Has parties and stuff
The Wolverine
Wolverine is back
He fights a lot of people
He is in Japan
World War Z
World is in danger
Billions turned into zombies
What can Brad Pitt do?
The World's End
Five guys on bar tour
Robot Apocalypse comes
There’s British humor
You're Next
Cabin in the woods
Killers come dressed as mammals
They kill everyone
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