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With that bit of unpleasantness out of the way, #ThePaparazzi decide they must have enough pumpkin to proceed, but are quickly sent back to get more.

As mentioned, Justin & Diana are off to deliver their oilcans. “Damn,” says Joey. Story of their Race. Diana tells him to take it slowly, and he is cautious but cheerful through the entire ride.

After a second weighing, Logan & Chris have finished and are on their way to deliver their candy.

With their oilcans completely unloaded, Justin & Diana are directed to Bijlighar Chowraha Roundabout, where they will find the U-Turn. Phil shows up to ask the audience whether another team can beat #TheGreenTeam there, but what do they take us for? Fools?

There’s a bit of false tension as the editors try to convince us that Justin & Diana are lost, but their driver quickly gets some handwritten directions and they arrive first. As promised, they choose not to U-Turn anyone. They’ll now search the Moonlight Gardens across from the Taj Majal for the Pit Stop location, where they will inevitably check in first.

As we speculated at the beginning of the recap, Kelsey & Joey do in fact U-Turn Tanner & Josh. “We just want to make sure we’re safe,” Kelsey says, but obviously they’re just cleverly eliminating the stronger competition. #TheReporters have all but assured themselves a spot in the final three. And given some of the weirdness that has happened in the final three in recent seasons, that may be enough.

Justin & Diana are, of course, the first team to arrive. They win a trip to Honolulu. They will be unable to work during the next calendar year because of all their vacations. #TheReporters and #ThePaparazzi commiserate on the mat, with Chris saying, “They’re not winning the million.” Isn’t he cute? Well, no. He’s not. But still.

#TeamTexas hustles, but obviously they’re U-Turned. #TheCheerleaders were just barely ahead of them, and if it had come to a footrace, they probably could have come out ahead. Instead, they’ll be off to do the Cans task, courtesy of Kelsey & Joey.

“It’s always the quiet ones you have to watch out for,” says Krista, as she and Tiffany fume about what has happened to the guys. Of course, without Kelsey & Joey, they could lose the leg, so they should be thanking #TheReporters.

When #TeamTexas arrives at the U-Turn, they realize that Kelsey & Joey’s dastardly heel turn has doomed them. This causes the most unlikely alliance since Hulk Hogan and Randy “Macho Man” Savage.

“I’m rooting for #TheGreenTeam now,” says Tanner.

Tiffany & Krista beat Denise & James Earl to the Pit Stop because #TeamAlabama goes to the wrong garden initially. This gives the editors an opportunity to manufacture a bit of false tension, but obviously the guys are going home. It’s even carried through the commercial break.

Even though Denise & James Earl do manage to beat #TeamTexas, they’ve had a bad enough portion of a leg to put themselves well behind. We’re now to the point where the truly terrible teams will have to start picking each other off.

You hear that, Tanner & Josh? That is the sound of inevitability. Yes, #TeamTexas is eliminated from the race, but at least Tanner is able to admit that Justin & Diana were the stronger team. As we’ve discussed for six legs now, Tanner & Josh’s obsession with #TheGreenTeam was their undoing. It all fell apart when they botched the Express Pass and the subsequent Double U-Turn. Had they just focused on the Race and finishing ahead of other teams, their story might be different. Either way, they lost their swagger after the Express Pass fiasco, and it just never came back.

Next week, more arguing amongst Logan & Chris! We can’t wait for another round of “Do what I say!” “No, I’ll do what I want!” “You suck!” “Back atcha!”

At least we have a mute button.

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