The Amazing Race Recap
By Kim Hollis and David Mumpower
October 12, 2015
Previously on The Amazing Race, a pair of Texas blowhards randomly decided to dislike a guy simply because he beat them in challenges. A homophobic mother tried to pretend like she’s fine with her son’s homosexuality when she’s clearly not…and she’s also kind of evil. And a member of the paparazzi blew up on her partner so quickly and contentiously that we can’t help but wonder whether we watch an in-show break-up at some point this season. Then again, they’d have to last another few episodes for the situation to reach that point, and we’re dubious about the odds of it.
The other strange moment of note from the second episode involved Justin & Diana, #TheGreenTeam. They deduced a clue, and then they chose to reveal the answer to Denise & James Earl, the mother/son team with more issues than Life Magazine (ask your parents what a magazine is, kids). The idea was to build goodwill in the social game with a team that clearly isn’t a threat to win.
To their complete shock, #TeamAlabama turned around and played a much more devious social game. They told EVERYONE else about the supposed mystery of the clue. Justin went over to a group of them and pointed this out. Everyone instantly took #TeamAlabama’s side and noted that #TheGreenTeam wanted to withhold key information. So, the mother/son tandem broke a promise, stole #TheGreenTeam’s plan as their own, and then framed them for the crime. That’s a lot of treachery in five minutes. Maybe we’re underestimating them.
The start of today’s leg involves a debate among the two members of #TeamTexas. Tanner’s reckless decision to sprint to the finish line to gain a spot over a non-threatening team led to them leaving one minute earlier than #TeamAlabama. It also caused Tanner to injure his hamstring, and the sprint wasn’t for first place. It was all about pride and ego, and crippling mistake could cost them the entire competition. Tanner plans to soldier on for now. Long term ramifications seem likely, though.
To the chagrin of #TeamTexas, #TheGreenTeam is the first to depart at 5:45 a.m. Their destination is San Antonio de Areco, which is presumably the class of the Argentinian basketball league. Justin takes this opportunity to mention that he’s watched every season of The Amazing Race at least three times. He…needs a new hobby. His wife tolerantly nods her confirmation of this factoid, and we now know the topic of choice when she vents about Justin to all her friends.
Tanner & Josh leave at 6:12 a.m., meaning that they were almost a half hour out of first place whenTanner injured himself sprinting to the finish line. They had literally nothing to gain by that move. They just couldn’t stand the thought of finishing behind #TeamAlabama.
Speaking of them, the mother offers this bit of backstory while venting to her son. “James Earl, you always tell me to shut up.” That’s an actual quote, not something we’re saying for the sake of hyperbole. If they win The Amazing Race, every dollar earned should go to hiring the finest therapists in ‘Merica. We suspect that she’ll spend her share on Home Shopping Network jewelry and Crimson Tide season tickets, though. He’ll spend his money buying a house as far away from her as possible, and probably one that isn’t anywhere close to an airport or train station, either.