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It’s time for the finale of the 25th season of “toughest and most dangerous reality competition of all time!"

Previously on Survivor, the producers decided to bring back three players medically evacuated from the game – Jonathan, Michael and Russell (not the evil one) – and also introduce two “familiar superfans” – TV teen star Lisa and baseballer Jeff Kent - who were unfamiliar to nearly everyone playing the game.

There was a storm that lasted 21 days, during which time Matsing lost every single challenge and had its last members, Malcolm and Denise, absorbed into the other tribes. Meanwhile, Lisa “learned about the Facts of Life” and her “only bond was with Michael." Also, “Abi’s attitude and Pete’s evil side” made camp life unbearable. And on Kalabaw, nothing particularly interesting happened.

And then after the merge, the Malcolm-Denise alliance and the Lisa-Michael alliance “came together”. “There’ve been blow-ups, break-ups, breakdowns and blindsides, as well as things we’ve never seen before," such as Dawson leaning in on Probst tongue-first. What will happen tonight? Maybe Probst will finally plant a big wet one on Malcolm? And more importantly, who will win the title of Sole Survivor, and the million dollar check that goes along with it?

Night 36, and the final four arrive back at camp after kicking Abi to the curb. “I feel like I’m alive,” says Michael. “Like having a tumor removed,” he continues. “When do we dance?” he asks. On the Boring Walk of Fallen Comrades, he’s probably going to take a leak on Abi’s nameplate. Anyway, only Michael and Denise are into dancing, and who wants to see that? “I’m not happy for her loss, I’m happy for our peace,” interviews Denise.

Meanwhile, Malcolm is complaining about how everyone wants to “go out with a bang” and they “throw him under the bus, with compliments” on the way out. Oh no, another thing that hasn’t gone exactly Malcolm’s way! Anyway, he says “the amount of damage control I have to do is ridiculous."

Very early next morning, Malcolm and Michael reaffirm their “final two” arrangement, which I guess they have. But who do they want in the final three with them? Michael interviews that those pessimists Lisa and Denise both think that Malcolm would be the runaway victor, but Michael thinks that “he has a better story." I look forward to hearing it.

There’s tree-mail for the next challenge already, which no one was expecting. There’s discussion about whether the usual lame challenge poem means reward or immunity, and Denise interviews that whatever it is, she needs to win.

Probst sighting! Come on in, guys! It’s a reward challenge. The castaways will race through an obstacle course, collecting bags along the way and then use the pieces in the bags to solve a puzzle. How many times have we seen this challenge this season? This is at least the third time since the merge. There was even a nearly-identical challenge last episode. Why can’t we have a “write down who you think is an awful person and then read out the results” quiz, or a “throw a ball and if you hit the target you get to burn another castaway’s effigy” challenge?

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