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Roxy “had the strongest convictions about belief,” according to Denise. “Oh Angie,” sighs Malcolm before describing her as his sleeping buddy. “Sounds like a girl after my own heart,” says Lisa. Angie voice-overs that she is “not a dumb blonde” but “well-rounded” and the Survivor editors are careful to lay this over an upper body shot of Angie in her bikini.

Denise describes how Russell could not help being the leader. “Worst tribe ever,” says Russell. Humiliation for him. No one can think of anything to say about Dana, because the only one to really meet her was Denise and Dana spent most of that time writhing in agony. Dana voice-overs about how she really couldn’t go on any longer.

Dawson provided “entertainment,” according to Denise. Dawson voice-overs about how much she was “salivating” over Probst and how she “wanted to put a wet one so far up on his lips. It was a moment he and I shared, and I will never be the same.” I try never to talk about any castaway’s hotness or not-ness, but I would find Dawson so much hotter if her shtick was not “I’m sexually attracted to Jeff Probst.”

Denise has to tell everybody about Katie as well. She had a potty-mouth! Which Denise loved! We see more than one shot of Katie pulling McKayla-is-not-impressed faces. Michael talks about RC, his “first alliance” and gives a bit more background into why everyone turned on her – “her extreme methods of her playing became so obvious to everybody, she was seen as a threat.” RC voice-overs “You win some, you lose some, I’m not really used to losing.” Apparently not.

Michael talks about Jeff Kent and how he was the one “who wanted returning players gone most.” “Great,” says Denise, who covers by saying Jeff Kent is a “great athlete.” Jeff Kent voice-overs that he played baseball with a lot of spoiled brats, and maybe he was one of them, but he was glad to make it through the game without pissing a lot of people off.

Artis is described as “loyal to Tandang... loyal to a fault.” Artis’ voice-over is about how awesome Tandang was, and that the tribe should have stayed together and done what it was “tailor-made to do.” Meh – if you want a tailor-made tribe of victory, then don’t ostracise half the members of said tribe.

Pete’s voice-over is regretful that he stuck with Abi for so long. He disliked her from Day 1 he claims. I’m not sure what his options would have been if he’d dumped her, but whatever.

Jonathan was “entertainment on steroids” according to Michael. Michael was also worried about what sort of sock-knocking final Tribal Council speech Jonathan would have had if he was in the final three. That would have been some killer “look at me” bloviating, without a doubt.

Michael saw Carter “become a man” out here in the Philippines. Way to go Carter! Carter’s voice-over is basically a monotone “duh." They all laugh when they get to Abi’s plaque. Malcolm says that it’s a wonder she made it to fifth place when she was so disliked, while Abi voice-overs that she was genuinely surprised that people disliked her.

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