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Survivor: Philippines - Preview Part II

By Ben Willoughby

September 12, 2012

A reporter must have just asked him about steroids. Or his truck.

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Malcolm

Malcolm is a 23-year-old hairband-wearing bartender from Los Angeles, but we all know the wannabe actors never, ever do well, and I should just stop the summary here.

But Malcolm’s different from the other “bartenders” who have been on the show. He says that as a kid, he wasn’t even allowed to watch TV except for Survivor. Unsurprisingly, he applied to Survivor in a fit of rebellion after his mother told him to get a job. He also claims to be smarter than everyone else, even though he only went to Dartmouth. His favourite Survivor player is Brian Heidik, winner of Survivor Thailand, and Malcolm plans to follow Brian’s “borderline sociopathic style of play”. He’s planning not to tell anyone how smart he is or that he went to Dartmouth, and has even researched his local high school to prepare a cover story!

Malcolm also claims his inspiration is the pre-murder O.J. Simpson, and then he goes on to make a clutch of O.J. Simpson jokes. If he can’t go two minutes in an EW interview without saying something inappropriate, I don’t think he’s going to do any better in-game.

Odds of being the Sole Survivor: 1 in 12

Zane

Zane is a 28-year-old tire re-treader who comes from the same North Carolina town as Johnny Fairplay! He’s here to get the money for his wife and kids, he’s never been outside North Carolina, he’s outgoing and gregarious, he’s work-fit not gym-fit, he wants to be able to afford a tow-truck, etc. If you’re an Amazing Race fan, you would have seen this archetype last season.

Zane believes that he will win thanks to divine intervention. It’s meant to be, because he actually got on the show the proper way by sending in a video, and without being recruited, or being a bartender or pageant winner or anything. It’s great that divine intervention got Zane this far, but maybe he should check with Matt from Redemption Island about whether God might have other, long-term character-building plans. Anyway, I’m looking forward to watching Zane.

Odds of being the Sole Survivor: 1 in 18




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Angie

Angie is our second beauty pageant winner this season. You know the very early seasons of Survivor, where they set up scenarios, like a plane crash or a shipwreck? This season’s scenario would be a bus accident on the way to Miss USA.

Angie says that people think she comes off as a Barbie doll, and gives the impression is that she is totally okay with that. She also says that like Fabio from the Nicaragua season, she is often mistaken for a dumb blonde. But were people who thought Fabio was a dumb blond really mistaken?

Angie is going to win Survivor because “she’s awesome”. Awesome! Angie’s strategy is not to annoy anyone, but when she talks about her “negative personalities” she says that when she doesn’t eat she gets “bratty and aggravated." Going on TV to play a game where you starve yourself for 39 days sounds like an excellent strategy.

Odds of being the Sole Survivor: 1 in 72


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