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Lisa

Not only do I not know who Jeff Kemp is, I have never seen an episode of The Facts of Life. All I know about it is, it has a Tootie. I sure picked the wrong season to recap. But at least I won’t be making any jokes about taking the good and taking the bad, or having a brilliant idea.

Anyway, Lisa hasn’t been in show business for 20 years, but she used to play the preppy, snot-nosed Blair on The Facts of Life. Lisa compares Blair to Colton, though she herself comes across so nice and wholesome that she must be a pretty decent actress. Which is why I don’t get that she disavows that being a manipulator, liar and cheater is not a strategy she can do. Maybe she’s a better actor than I think, and completely in character?

Odds of being the Sole Survivor: 1 in 36

Pete

Pete is a 24-year-old “engineer by education, model by occupation” from New Jersey but he’s “not into that Jersey shore thing." He claims to have been every kind of person – hardcore gamer, jock, frat boy, kid that stays home and studies, kid with acne – that will help him be a social chameleon. Like everyone else, he doesn’t want to stand out and be the leader, he just wants not to annoy everyone. What is it with these people who have to try so hard not to annoy everyone? It’s like Survivor finds people who are habitually annoying and then casts them on purpose.

Pete also says that he is passive-aggressive, and plans to be the black sheep that causes chaos. His first impressions of the other castaways are that Angie could be Parvati to his Russell, which didn’t work out that well for Russell. Peter seems pretty impatient to get the interviews over with as quickly as possible. If I were being interviewed by EW that’s how I’d feel too, but good luck explaining to an idiot why they should vote the way you want.

Odds of being the Sole Survivor: 1 in 18

Michael

If Michael was not a returning castaway, I would confuse him with John Malkovich, but everyone remembers Michael. He’s the guy who fell in the fire! I can picture him sitting in that Australian creek, screaming as his skin peeled away from his hands. It took a year to heal, Michael says in interview. The most iconic reality TV departure ever, Jeff salivates in his video about the returnees.

Michael is planning on a high-risk, go for it strategy. He’s not a fan of under the radar, and doesn’t think it’s a good strategy as what, two of the 24 winners won using that. (More like seven or eight, Michael, including the only person to win twice) But at least he is going with a strategy that is consistent with who he is. Michael does say that he will be more cerebral this time around in terms of how his play affects others around him. So he’s learned that everyone else on his tribe that first time around hated him.

Even with ten years between Survivor experiences, Michael seems better equipped this time around. Still, I wonder how he will cope with all these new-fangled inventions that castaways since Season 2 have invented, such as deceit and lying?

Odds of being the Sole Survivor: 1 in 18

So even if we don’t end up with a good group of players in Survivor: Philippines, it looks like a good group of characters that will provide plenty of entertainment this season.

Come back next week, when we’ll learn how many of these supposed fans actually recognize the returning players and have actual Probst sightings. And over the rest of the season, we’ll have weekly recaps, including updates on how many castaways get medevac’d out this time.

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