Survivor: One World Recap

By David Mumpower and Kim Hollis

March 8, 2012

I am so happy because we won the immunity challenge! Now, to smooth things over with Colton...

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The men request the opportunity to go to Tribal Council. Even Kat, dumbest of the players this season, innately understands this is a terrible idea. But wait! It gets weirder! Tarzan calls the members of Manononevergonnawin together. At this point, he calls out Leif for his treachery. This is particularly odd in that Tarzan has firsthand knowledge of none of this. All he has is Troyzan’s description of events, a description that does not match reality in any meaningful way. Leif is informed that they will be going to Tribal Council and that he will be voted off.

Okay, this is not completely accurate. At first, Tarzan states that they will only make such a move if everyone agrees. He calls for a show of hands to reinforce the support for the idea. Hilariously, only Colton and Tarzan raise their hands. Everyone else is looking around wondering when the joke will end. It has to be a joke, right? Undeterred, Tarzan berates the people who do not raise their hands. Even though no one else ever endorses the idea, the men wind up at Tribal Council anyway.

We find ourselves wondering what Michael is thinking as all of this unfolds. All he wanted to do was instigate a bit in order to enhance his status within the tribe. After Matt was voted out last episode, this was a savvy play on his part…in theory. In execution, he has lit the match that started the forest fire that burned down the entire encampment. Michael had no idea that Colton was this crazy and because of this, the men are about to vote out one of their own who has done nothing wrong other than be a black man on a tribe run by a racist white kid.


As one would expect, Tribal Council is bizarre. Probst’s face is sparkling as he mentally envisions the ratings and the social media discussions that will ensue once this episode airs. All of the dumbest moves in the history of the show are dwarfed by this. A player was seduced into giving up his immunity necklace. Another was voted out when they had a pair of immunity idols. And a Harvard student was played for a sucker by one of the dumbest people in the show’s history. NONE of these events compares to a tribe choosing to vote out one of their own after winning an immunity challenge. And that is before we factor in the underlying rationale for the voting behavior. Not only is this unprecedented, it feels like the low point in the history of Survivor. Why? Colton tries to explain his actions.

The gist of his logic is that Colton hates Bill because the comedian is poor and needs to get a real job. No, really. When pressed for an explanation, the gay man explains that this is not because Bill is black. He proffers the subject matter himself, which is telling. Colton explains that while he went to a school that was primarily Caucasian, he does have African Americans in his life. Who is he referencing? Why, his family’s maid, of course. Yes, Colton is Bryce Dallas Howard in The Help.

Bill comports himself impeccably. He explains his career choices as he also notes that a man who has never worked a real job in his life is criticizing someone who has been on their own since they were 17. “You haven’t worked an honest day in your life or had to actually go out and get a job.” The elephant in the living room remains but that reply is gold. Bill concludes with “For the love of God, I work with people and for no one.” Unable to provide a respectful reply, Colton mirrors Alicia from the first Tribal Council when he replies, “Whatever.” This is what stupid people say when they have nothing to say.

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