The Amazing Race Recap
By David Mumpower and Kim Hollis
November 15, 2011
Angry Dad and his son arrive moments prior to Team Sore Loser. They are informed that this road block is an extended sequence from Eyes Wide Shut, only with more clothing and less orgy. Teams must perform an ancient three part dance that will test their memory and coordination. Zac and Ernie choose to do this challenge with Zac’s good-for-nothing father telling him, “May the Force be with you.” We suspect this is an ominous threat from Laurence that if Zac performs poorly, he will light saber-chop young Skywalker’s hand off.
Back at the belltower, the Pollards arrive and are surprised to discover that Jeremy & Sandy are still there. Just like that, an 80 minute lead has vanished. This signifies the first good thing that has happened to an Indianapolis Colt in 2011.
Back at the dance, Bill and Cathi arrive and the woman chooses to dance while Bill makes small talk about his relationship. He acknowledges that they started dating when he was 13 and she was 12. They married eight years later on the day of their college graduation and have been together ever since. That’s romantic. Cindy says that she met Ernie in a bar. That’s…less romantic. On the plus side, Ernie is quite the dancer. He quickly earns the next clue by completing all three phases of the dance. You’re going to miss that hand, Zac.
Team DrunkenBarHookup learns that they must proceed to Frilandmuseet and search the ground for their next clue. As they drive away, Cindy is classy as ever, deriding Zac for his dancing skills. Cathi, on the other hand, is quite the dancer. She earns a clue within moments of taking the floor. This irritates Laurence even more. The odds of him committing child abuse during this episode have just elevated from Probably to Definitely.
We cut away from Dance Central Denmark to reveal the two phases of the next challenge. One is called All Churned Out and requires teams to churn six sticks of high quality butter. As Phil performs this task, it plays out like an in-show endorsement for the Shake Weight, filthiest of all the designer workout dumbbells. The other task is quite possibly the cutest one in the history of the show. All Hopped Up requires both team members to take a rabbit through a steeplechase obstacle course. As long as the furry lil' dude doesn’t knock anything over, they complete the assignment. Frankly, anyone who picks All Churned Out is an idiot.
Ernie & Cindy pick All Churned Out.
Andy becomes the third dancer to complete the three phases of this heat. This causes us to fondly reminisce about the halcyon days of yore when Laurence & Zac were in first place. Doesn’t it seem like just yesterday? Or maybe even earlier today?
The Pollards continue to take the scenic route on this leg. We applaud them for their patience in this regard. Who knows when they will be back in Denmark again? Jeremy & Sandy, on the other hand, just don’t get it. They’re all obsessed with not finishing last in the race and whatnot. They rush over to the dance competition. One step ahead of them, Bill and Cathi arrive at the next destination and choose All Churned Out. What in the Blue Hell is wrong with people?