The Amazing Race All-Stars Recap
By Kim Hollis and David Mumpower
April 25, 2011
Breaking news: Zev and Justin have been eating fondue for four and a half hours. Even Louie Anderson couldn't do that. Against all odds, they are the first team to complete the Cheese/Wheeze challenge, though. The luggage side requires a lot of travel back and forth from the train station to the hotels. This is important because a double U-Turn is up ahead. The cheese-eating surrender monkeys are given the first opportunity to slow down a competitor while Kisha & Jen race to catch up. Of course, both parties decide not to use it, thereby negating the presumed important of finishing at the front of the pack.
Oh look, Kent & Vyxsin are fighting again. The morning's forced optimism has faded into the night's ever-present frustration. In the immortal words of The Wedding Crashers, it's time to get out there and get some strange ass, folks. You're death together...and we don't mean because you're goths.
As the miserable couple bickers, super-happy-fun-team Gary & Mallory continue to have the time of their lives racing. These teams finish delivering luggage, choose not to delay anyone and head to the finish line. The soon to be broken up couple winds up in third place while the father/daughter tandem arrive fourth.
This leaves the Globetrotters against the cowboys in a race to the finish between our two favorite teams this season. The Globetrotters are absolutely brutal trying to deliver luggage. They take two bags to the wrong hotels, lose two tickets and then forget to deliver two more bags. Meanwhile, the cowboys blow into town and dominate in a way that would make Clint Eastwood jealous. What seemed like a foregone conclusion earlier becomes a result that is very much in doubt at the end. This is not a trick of editing, either.
The Globetrotters eventually finish the luggage challenge a bit before the cowboys; they feel they have no choice other than to U-Turn "one of their favorite teams ever" in order to avoid finishing in last. When the cowboys reach the U-Turn, they are confused as they have been so far behind the rest of the pack all day that they do not realize the situation has degraded into a do or die scenario for the basketball stars. As the Globetrotters reach the finish line in fifth place, the cowboys are forced to ingest a huge bowl of consolation cheese fondue. Moments after they finish doing so, they head outside where Phil informs them that two of the best contestants in the history of the show have been eliminated primarily due to their overestimation of the size of Liechtenstein. God, how we hate that place.