This Game Ain't Over
By Kim Hollis and David Mumpower
December 20, 2009
Probst sighting! The challenge has the Survivors running out across a narrow plank and then over some netting to retrieve a bag of puzzle pieces. They must then turn around and run back, ending the challenge by climbing a steep platform and completing the puzzle. It is very close between all five until the puzzle completion portion arises. Jaison is unable to get going, but Evil Russell, Mick and Brett are all moving along very quickly. In the end, Mick and Brett are neck and neck, but the world's must boring Survivor contestant ever takes Immunity. One of the Foa Foa Four will be voted out at Tribal Council tonight.
Does that mean it's time to play It's Anyone But Natalie? We're skeptical it will be that simple. What we're about to find out is who has the strongest alliance between the four Foa Foas. You'd expect some scrambling and a lot of discussion between the various people so that they can make a move to vote out someone, well, who isn't them. Instead, what we get is Natalie and Russell discussing whether to vote out Mick or Jaison. No alarm bells ring for either Mick or Jaison, who could have made a move to band with Brett and vote out either Natalie or Russell. Instead, we sit through an incredibly dull Tribal Council before seeing Jaison be eliminated. While his comments indicate that he holds a grudge against Evil Russell, the reality is that he shows almost no emotion when the vote is read. He's been mentally fatigued for almost a month now and doesn't have much fight left in him. At this point, we have an appreciation for just how much the members of Foa Foa have had to overcome to get to this position.
When we return from the commercial, Evil Russell realizes that there is someone left on the island with whom he hadn't cut a deal. He slithers up to Brett and starts running some game. Russ has had more intimate relationships this season than Tiger Woods has over the last couple of years. Brett and Evil Russell both talk about how they want to be in the final with the strongest players, but we all know that's bullshit. You want to be in the final with someone you can beat. That's the point. Either way, Evil Russell is convinced that he now has an alliance with all remaining players. He tries to shake hands with Brett to seal the deal, and we find ourselves thinking that Brett should wear a hand condom.
Tree mail brings the arrival of what we've come to know as the Fast Forward portion of the finale. It's that time when the remaining contestants reflect on all their earlier competitors and how they barely knew them. It's a waste of time and we hate it. But hey, it gets us almost halfway through the show.
Speaking of which, how many times do you think we would have to badmouth Russell to get Jim to recap the next season?