All Hell Breaks Loose
By Kim Hollis and David Mumpower
November 8, 2009
Previously on Survivor, Shambo was elected leader of her tribe in the most rigged vote that didn't involve an Columbian drug warlord. For the younger women who hate Shambo (Laura, Monica and Kelly), this act of subversive aggression from the mail members of Galu is a slight they plan to rectify. Meanwhile, Foa Foa voted off Liz, with their tribe now down to four extremely demoralized players. They need two things: a merge and a miracle. The former is much more likely. Their other hope is that New Best Friend Laura will be willing to betray the other members of Galu. We had thought the odds of that to be remote up until Shambo's coronation. Now we think the odds are 70/30 she flips.
Day 19 at Galu finds the aforementioned Laura upset over anything she can think of that might possibly bother her. The best she can come up with is that after the last challenge, she was shipped to Foa Foa, while Dave gave Laura's canteen to Shambo. This is apparently the greatest persecution in the history of mankind. Beyonce and Jay-Z are hosting a benefit concert over canteen theft one day next week. For her part, Shambo basically looks at Laura and says, "Shut up, whiny b*tch." We really don't know which one to root for here.
The producers of Survivor kindly interrupt this nonsense by throwing in a merge, which is the only way they can prevent Galu from swallowing Foa Foa whole. Outnumbered 8-4, Foa Foa's only real hope is that they get the three younger women of Galu to flip in an anti-Shambo alliance, and then keep that group strong while they eliminate the rest of the men. If that doesn't happen, it's hard to imagine a scenario where Foa Foa doesn't comprise more than 20% of the jury.
When the 12 remaining contestants unite, a feast is shared and spirits are lifted. Almost immediately afterward, the game is afoot. Jaison tries to befriend John, while Natalie flirts with Dave. Dr. Mick flashes his dimples at Monica, while Evil Russell tries to cut a deal with anyone within three feet of him. We're not kidding. He's seen talking to Shambo, Monica and Dave, on top of already having made friends with Laura while she visited their tribe. As he desperately scrambles, Erik takes this opportunity to declare himself King of Survivor. He brags about the strength of his alliance and the fact that he has the hidden Immunity Idol and mentions that his group has dominated challenges. The whole thing reminds us a bit of former contestant Ami Cusack in the way he's getting overly cocky and forgetting that when the merge happens, the game becomes one of extreme self-interest. People don't necessarily just line up to vote the "team" line just because you've been together for 19 days.
Now is the time when Evil Loser Russell reveals himself as an exhibitionist. He starts showing his secret Immunity Idol to anyone who will look. He might as well be wearing a trench coat when he exposes it. In fact, it's exactly this kind of behavior that got Peewee Herman in so much trouble. He shows it to Laura and tries to cut a deal with her. He shows it to Monica, who touches and rubs it. He shows it to John and offers to experiment a little. No one will ever know off the island, right? And let's be honest, it does seem to fit ELR's profile better. It's hard to be straight and hate women this much.