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4) Transformers proves that racism, sexism and warmongering sell

You knew it was coming. This one really needs no explanation. While Transformers 2 had its moments of computer-generated grandeur, it was a smorgasbord of American chauvinism.

On the ethnic stereotyping front, we had two robots there for comic relief acting like a 1920s minstrel show performed in blackface. There was John Tuturro as a Jew whose neurosis made Woody Allen look well-adjusted. And finally, we had the depiction of the Jordanian army – sending two helicopters that are given more screen time crashing and burning than they are in the air – as a model of militaristic inferiority.

Then there's the exploitation of Megan Fox, who was objectified so overtly it's as if she were a mannequin that acquired movement from Pinocchio's blue fairy – but if that were true, since actors are required to be, you know, truthful, the growing nose thing would have been a big problem.

Finally, there's the disparaging overall "message" of Transformers 2. If one were take the position on war that Michael Bay does, they might find themself in conversations saying things like, "I like war because things blow up in war and if you blow enough stuff up eventually you'll destroy 3,000-year-old monuments that speak to the greatest feats accomplished by mankind. And that would be AWESOOMMME!!!!"

I will never get tired of saying it. Shame on you, Michael Bay.

3) The unintentionally awkward, intentional humor of Transformers 2 and GI Joe

You thought I was finished? Come on. The slots of #3 and #4 could be interchangeable. True, condoning civil intolerance and warfare is probably worse than awkward humor, but at least the former resulted in some entertaining moments. The latter, however, was stomach churning through and through.

Along with Michael the-cinematic-anti-Christ Bay, Stephen Sommers rode the Hasbro train this summer as well. Together, their attempts to make action films with comic touches – supposedly they were going for a Gremlins-like tone, to which I furrow my brow – were stupefying.

Shia LaBeouf's mom, played by the very game and hopefully now very well off Julie White, accidentally ate pot-brownies and cavorted around a college campus. Also, Marlon haven't-you-done-enough-damage-with-the-scary-movie-franchise Wayans and Channing I-can't-believe-you're-going-to-be-a-big-star Tatum's agonizing one-liner deliveries are now irreparably seared into my brain. The memory of them will forever haunt my nightmares.

2. No business for The Cove

In the wake of Terminator 4 bombing (is anyone tired of me trashing this film? Too bad.), my confidence in the movie-going public was at an all-time high. Then it all came crashing down when one of the year's absolute best films was given the cold shoulder at the box office.

A hybrid of recent documentary successes such as An Inconvenient Truth and March of the Penguins - with little Bourne thrown in - The Cove, with a RottenTomato score of 94% and an average rating of 7.9, had everything going for it. Or so I thought.

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