March 2009 Forecast

By David Mumpower

March 6, 2009

So that's where Mick Foley got the idea!

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Janky Promoters

Ice Cube's box office career has been one of wild fluctuations. He's had a couple of huge hits with Barbershop and Are We There Yet?, but he's also had some disasters such as the ill-considered xXx sequel and The Longshots. He seems to do comedy well for the most part, and Janky Promoters seems to fit in that niche Friday fans want to typecast him in, which bodes well for the box office of this one. I expect it to approach the box office of First Sunday, making this a solid success relative to its modest budget.

Miss March

Imagine The House Bunny without Anna Faris. Alternately, just think about an actual movie based on the J. Geils Band's biggest hit, Centerfold. That's the story here as a young man wakes up from a four-year coma to discover his girlfriend, Little Miss "Let's Wait Until We're Married" has become the poster child for internet porn. He embarks on a cross country trip to reunite with her and either talk her down from the ledge of sluttiness or get her to share the wealth a little bit. The House Bunny made $48.2 million, EuroTrip made $17.7 million, and Road Trip made $68.5 million. So, those are your high water mark, your low water mark, and your If Only It Had Anna Faris mark for ranging the film's potential. Then again, maybe you think it's another Fired Up ($10.1 million) or Sex Drive ($8.4 million), in which case it probably doesn't deserve a spot on this. Personally, I'm expecting about $20 million of box office. J. Geils Band fans have been waiting for this film for 25 years now, after all.


The Haunting in Connecticut

Remember what I said earlier about Last House on the Left? We already have a contender to throw under it. The Haunting in Connecticut? Are you kidding me? You can't be any more specific than that? Connecticut is a state with about 3.5 million people residing there. Which particular haunting are we discussing here? If you believe in poltergeists at all, you would have to think that the entire state of Connecticut would get more than one of these. What's the big deal about this one? Was the person signed to played basketball at UConn or something? Horror film producers aren't even trying any more. Please stop encouraging them by giving them your hard earned money. We're in a recession right now, people. Only the strong are supposed to succeed and thrive in times like this. Films like this deserve to fail and you can make that happen. If this film does well, I'm setting up a pitch meeting for my next project, Hot People Are Slaughtered.

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