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Welcome back to another season of recaps of The Amazing Race here at BOP. Although giant Canadian Reagen Sulewski (seriously, he's 6'6") has returned from his honeymoon and begun indoctrinating himself into the changes that accompany married life, Kim Hollis and I are going to do this season's recaps in addition to the Survivor ones, making us Mr. and Mrs. Reality Television 2009. The main change from recent years is that we have decided on a new policy moving forward. We are tired of liking teams at the start of the season only to see our love turn to hate as they continue to disappoint us. From now on, we hate all contestants on The Amazing Race right from the beginning of the show until they prove to us that they deserve a modicum of support.

The season starts with a pair of helicopters flying through southern California. Phil Keoghan, clad in what I may only describe as a Members Only jacket, describes the situation this season's competitors are currently experiencing. They are on the helicopters and are being flown to the Joint Forces Training Base in Los Alamitos, California. A quick shot of the interior of the helicopter shows 22 people I have never seen before yet already despise. Let's examine each team and discuss why they are despicable.

Christie and Jodi are flight attendants. Enough said. Throughout the race, we can expect them to never have a bag of peanuts readily available or produce a refreshing beverage for the other travelers. They'll make up a bunch of vague, arbitrary rules and they'll constantly be telling people to sit down and put on their safety belts. People like this make me want to grab an airsickness bag and fill it to the rim. Oh yes, these women go out of their way to make my job of hating them as easy as possible with this quote: "Blonde women in foreign countries can kind of get away with murder. We are going to use that to our advantage." This is unquestionably the quickest murder threat in the history of reality television. Watch yourself, Phil. That Members Only jacket isn't bulletproof.

Tammy & Victor are attorneys. They both went to Harvard. The Amazing Race is only two teams old and I already feel completely justified in hating everyone. Ivy League attorneys? Ye Gods. Do they bathe in the blood of virgins every morning, too? I'm going to be disappointed if people this evil make it through the entire season without John McClane showing up and beating the Yippie Ki Yay out of them. Note: I am saying this despite the fact that BOP is chock full of attorneys and has more than a few Ivy Leaguers. No one has a better understanding of how evil these people can be than me. Trust me and if you don't trust me, trust Billy Shakespeare. Tammy & Victor are exactly the Army of Darkness Bruce Campbell has waged war against.

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