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Margie and Luke are a mother and son tandem from Colorado. Well, everybody hates...mothers. Hmm. Gimme a sec here to come up with something. Okay, Luke informs us that he's deaf and that "mom is my link to hearing people on the race". Now we're getting somewhere. Everyone hates...err, no, I probably shouldn't say that. Anyway, surely there is nothing likable about a heroic mother being the ears of her disabled son. OH COME ON! This is cheating, The Amazing Race producers! I'll have to come back to them later. I'm sure they'll punch out a nun or something by midway through the first leg. Don't let the sob story fool you. These people are sheer evil.

Next up are Linda and Steve, the self-professed white trash participants in this year's race. Hailing from Virginia, the 52-year-old woman and her 43-year-old husband of the past 17 years are not quite the hicks their accents would indicate. In fact, they are accomplished world travelers and he is professional fisherman of some renown. So, I hate them because they are old, she's a cougar, he's a fisherman and their accents make me ashamed of my southern heritage. Bill O'Reilly is really on to something. Hating people is easy.

LaKisha and Jennifer are sisters who grew up in the Bronx yet wound up playing college sports at the University of Louisville. How that happens, I have no idea. LaKisha played basketball for whomever was the women's equivalent to Rick Pitino at the time while Jennifer was a volleyball player. LaKisha now coaches basketball for a living while Jennifer sends out annoying "please send us money" newsletters. I'm going to skip the obvious "too butch" jokes and focus on the Nigerian Prince scams Jennifer's job presumably entails. What a thieving punk.

Even if I were not planning on hating everyone this season, I would still despise Preston and Jennifer. Inside of ten seconds, the viewer knows everything there is to know about their relationship. It's 100% based on looks. Otherwise, they hate one another. Each is a control freak who wants the other to acknowledge their superiority in the relationship. Their bio page at CBS.com indicates that they have been dating for a couple of years now and - surprise, surprise -, they have broken up several times. They are one of those annoying couples who know they have absolutely no business being together but they stay together anyway. My bold prediction is that they have two kids together then get divorced when the oldest one is three. The only good news I have for their future children is the idea of two Christmases. For them, I have but one thing to say. No unhappy couple has ever gone on The Amazing Race to find out if they can make it together and left the show thinking, "I wonder what our wedding day will be like." Instead, the focus is usually upon the best attorneys for restraining orders, meaning you two should pal up with Tammy and Victor. Of course, I'm not saying anything all of your friends and loved ones haven't told you before. Your marriage is just as inevitable as your divorce.

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