2018 Calvin Awards: Worst Performance

By Reagen Sulewski

February 28, 2018

Rethinking all his life decisions.

Separate, but not always, from the worst films of the year are the worst performances of the year, those particular actors who just didn't give it their all, or who actually did, and their all was just plain awful. Bad casting, an inability to get through dialogue or just bizarre choices in their character building all play their roles here too, and play them much better than the people we're talking about here did.

Jamie Dornan “improves” on his finish from two years ago in the Fifty Shades series by jumping from second to first for Fifty Shades Darker, with no block of wood action hero to siphon away the first place votes. In the first film, you can kind of see how he didn't know what he was getting into, but with the second film there's no excuse, other than him really, really, really not wanting to be here and checking through his contract, practically on screen, to see if there was a way out.

Failing at the basic element of his role, “appearing to be attracted to Dakota Johnson,” Dornan was mostly just peevishly reading through his lines (his terrible, terrible lines) with a sense of “can we just get this over with?” And I mean, we get it. There were things you wanted to do as an actor, and this wasn't among them. But, my boy, you're an *actor*. Try and act the part of it.

Dakota Johnson, on the other hand, well, she seemed at least a little into it. She moves up from fifth to second, with her repeat performance as “female object.” Supposedly thrilled by her newfound power in this film, we mostly just get “confused” and “grunty.” And to be fair, it's hard to play “sexy” and “simpering” at the same time,

In a rather thankless task in an utterly irrelevant film, Johnny Galecki finds himself in third place here for Rings. As the professor who needlessly starts the whole Samara curse all over again, he's required to be both stupid and panicky throughout the whole of the film, and basically just gives us “Leonard in a horror film.”

Tom Cruise's efforts in attempting to revive The Mummy franchise find him fourth place, as he awkwardly attempts to graft Ethan Hunt into a horror film, while also having him possessed by the spirit of an ancient Egyptian princess. He basically just looks stunned at what's going on in this film, and man, do we empathize.


In fifth spot, we have Charlie Hunnam for the title role in the latest King Arthur film. Hunnam has a certain range as an actor, and it's basically that of someone with their feet nailed to the floor. Here, he lets his beard do all the acting and grumbles and shouts his way to one of the most boring Arthurs ever brought to screen.

Callum Turner finds himself out of his depth in The Only Living Boy In New York, never really nailing down his American accent or the kind of charisma necessary to make us think he can woo Kate Beckinsale.

Seventh place sees Vin Diesel finally run out of stamina for the Fast and Furious series in The Fate of the Furious, tasked at playing a double agent against his own crew and failing at showing off anything resembling an emotional struggle.

Eighth goes to the kind of role Will Smith used to knock out of the park, but his charm betrays him in the Netflix original Bright. Here it turns to nastiness, and you get the sense he knows he slumming in this ridiculous “cops and orcs” farce of a thriller.

Wonder's heart is in the right place, but Owen Wilson's phoned-in drawl of a performance lands him in ninth here, never quite connecting with what seems like an easy heartfelt characterization as the father of a disfigured son.

We wrap this category up with another big name, the horribly miscast Matt Damon in The Great Wall, with his broad New England accent clashing mightily with the Asian setting. And while he has his many strengths, a fantasy setting simply doesn't work for his utterly modern acting style.

2018 Calvin Awards
Calvins Intro
Best Actor
Best Actress
Best Cast
Best Character
Best Director
Best Overlooked Film
Best Picture
Best Scene
Best Screenplay
Best Supporting Actor
Best Supporting Actress
Best TV Show
Best Use of Music
Breakthrough Performance
Worst Performance
Worst Picture

Top 10
Position Person Film Total Points
1 Jamie Dornan Fifty Shades Darker 159
2 Dakota Johnson Fifty Shades Darker 99
3 Johnny Galecki Rings 96
4 Tom Cruise The Mummy 78
5 Charlie Hunnan King Arthur: Legend of the Sword 69
6 Callum Turner The Only Living Boy in New York 66
7 Vin Diesel The Fate of the Furious 63
8 Will Smith Bright 60
9 Owen Wilson Wonder 51
10 Matt Damon The Great Wall 48



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