New at BOP: Review: Matrix Resurrections Movie Review: Moonfall Movie Reviews: Scream The #1 Movie in America November Forecast The Many Saints of Newark October Forecast New Trivia Question All site updates Share & Save   Tweet Print this column

The China novelty ended with the fourth entry but China has always liked Transformers more than Pirates. I have a feeling Transformers 5 will earn more worldwide than Pirates 5, crowning it the Summer 2017 fifth-quel champion. Only time will tell who wins (probably Transformers) and only time will tell if either one ever ends up getting a sixth entry. With no contracts in place to help Pirates 6 get made and Transformers having much of their future already solidified with the writers-room, I think the sixth-movie winner is pretty clear. The only unknown is just exactly how much Transformers 5 will earn and if it can crack that recently elusive billion-dollar barrier. Until then, all I can help you with is 5 ways to prep for Transformers 5.

1) Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014)

I imagine this is the most relevant movie in the franchise to prep you for the latest entry. Transformers 1 showed there were good and bad robots, the bad ones wanted an all-powerful cube called the AllSpark, the good ones wanted to protect it, and Earth was their battleground. Transformers 2 had something to do with a pyramid weapon and a robotic ballsack. Transformers 3 was about a portal device that would bring the robot planet to Earth so they could use humans as labor. Transformers 4 was about seeds that were bombs or something, and they made fields of the special metal that helps make the robots but would wipe out Earth.

As you can see, the franchise is about a robot species and, for one reason or another, Earth is always in jeopardy. However, knowing there is an endless barrage of sequels coming means Earth probably never ends up getting destroyed. If it did, there would be no humans, the sequels would only be in outer space and would basically be CGI or animated and humans would stop caring. Just watch the fourth movie because it’s the only other one Mark Wahlberg’s character is in and his backstory is probably the only one of the returning characters that matters.

2) Pacific Rim (2013)

Despite its poor box office performance, Pacific Rim was the best summer movie of 2013. Earth has terraformed itself due to global warming, so monsters now feel comfortable enough to rise from a rift deep in the ocean and destroy the world. To fight back, the people of Earth unite and build a team of large robots they can connect to and defend the planet with. If the monsters were robots and the robots that already existed had artificial intelligence, it would basically be a Transformers movie. However, it would be the best Transformers movie ever to exist. The movie is amazing! It’s funny, action packed, directed by the brilliant Guillermo del Toro, and is a surprise gem in the otherwise completely nonsensical monsters/robots/Earth-in-peril genres. At one point, a giant robot uses a cruise-sized ship like a samurai sword. This is how robot movies should be made.

3) Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017)

Yes, this movie just came out and, yes, it is a horrible movie. Sometimes you need to watch crap so that other lesser crap can be appreciated for not completely sucking. Pirates 5 shows that a franchise can have one amazing first entry and then somehow get progressively worse with each new entry despite fans attempting to continue supporting the franchise. Goodwill does not last forever, and Pirates 5 may have finally killed that series. Transformers 5 seems to be trying with their writers-room, and I honestly hope it’s a good (if not at least watchable) movie. Though Pirates 5 may not be a movie you or anyone should want to watch, it’s always fun to partake in a healthy rivalry between franchises so you can be among those of us that get to laugh at the loser for knowing what’s going on. Get ready to point and laugh, my friends. The war is almost over!

Continued:       1       2       3