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3) Alien: Covenant

Opening Weekend: $36.2 M
May Total: $62.5 M

Third is finally not a Disney movie. Wait...no, definitely not from them. I triple checked, there are still other studios in existence, for now. Third is Alien: Covenant (aka Vol. 2, or maybe 6, or possibly 8), which opened to $36.2 million and has accrued $62.5 million for the month. This is down from Prometheus, which is actually the only film from the broader “Alien” franchise to break $100 million at the domestic box office, and probably will remain as such. Ridley Scott seems to be riding off into the sunset, hoping to bookend his career with two seminal properties. We shall see how Blade Runner fares in the hands of a different director, although Denis Villeneuve’s record so far is stellar. Speaking of franchise goodwill, this is yet another movie that seems to be of the mindset that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. The problem is that after a while I think people want to see something new. But then again, the top three movies this month are sequels, and the next seven probably are, too. Next up, Alien: Covfefe.

4) Snatched

Opening Weekend: $19.5 million
May Total: $42.3 million

I think that all things considered, fourth place is pretty respectable for Snatched, an R-rated comedy that brought Goldie Hawn out of retirement. Although it had terrible reviews, is has earned its budget back on the domestic front and might squeak past $50 million by the time its run ends. When you look at the titles further down this list that Snatched beat for both opening and monthly totals, it becomes even more impressive, even in a lackluster month. Amy Schumer will always have her haters, but this will surely lead to more female-driven comedies, as they have been a winning formula for a few years now.

5) King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

Opening Weekend: $15.4 million
May Total: $35.8 million

The second franchise this month from which Keira Knightley has departed is fifth for the month of May. Okay, maybe it’s a stretch to call King Arthur a franchise, since the movie from 2005 has no relation to this one, but still, Knightley’s making good choices! Wait, what!? She was in the last Pirates film? Okay, forget the whole Keira Knightley thing. Anyway, Heath Ledger stand-in Charlie Hunnam and Guy Ritchie try their thing again, and the Lady of the Lake should have just snatched the sword back before the whole thing got started. This is a huge flop for Warner Bros., although they will obviously wind up doing well with Wonder Woman. Perhaps WB should learn a lesson or two, as they do seem to favor working with a certain set of directors, but I don’t think they should give them carte blanche. Christopher Nolan and Zack Snyder come to mind as opposing examples, as one director is obviously working immensely, while the other should be dropped from big productions. Maybe a woman can direct the next King Arthur adaptation.

6) Baywatch

Opening Weekend: $18.5 million
May Total: $31.9 million

I. I just. I can’t even. No. I just can’t even. Dwayne, what were you thinking? Come on! This is totally a movie that should have starred Leslie Nielsen back in the day. Maybe they can make Baywatch 2: Watch Harder with Jon Stewart or something. I mean, the whole thing is obviously a joke, I can’t...no. No. Look, I love King of Kong: Fistful of Quarters, but Seth Gordon, and Zac...why? Just make a 90 minute movie with boobs, that’s it, call it a day. Don’t even pretend to have a story. Maybe I’m just really old (at heart), but when Game of Thrones seems to have more comedy than movies within the genre...let’s just move on to number seven.

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