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5 A Bunch of Ways to Prep - Alien: Covenant

By George Rose

May 17, 2017

Surprisingly not a goofy '80s music video.

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1999 – Star Wars: Episode One – The Phantom Menace is released and makes Lucas a boatload of cash, eventually earning over $1 billion worldwide. Fox makes only $50 million. It’s okay. They tried to make things better with David Fincher after the Alien 3 fiasco. Fincher releases the cult classic Fight Club, proving yet again he is a director to watch and proving that Fox needs to stick with and stand by their talent.

2000 – Since Fox sucks balls and is desperate for franchises, they buy the rights to the Marvel’s X-Men, spending $75 million on the movie and making almost $300 million worldwide. This is much better than how the Alien franchise ended up so they stick with superheroes for a bit. Elsewhere, Ridley Scott takes a $100 million budget and turns Gladiator into a $450+ million hit. Scott beats Fox. Fox pouts in the corner.

2001 – Scott goes on to win a bunch of Oscars for Gladiator. Fox decides it should stop screwing around with the creative team behind their movies and lets Bryan Singer continue the X-Men franchise without cutting him out. Lesson learned.

2002 – Fox begins filming X-Men 2. George Rose turns 17-years-old and starts working at the movie theater. George’s obsession continues but, despite his father’s better efforts, he never watches the Alien movies. He heard most of them were crap and never got around to watching some old franchise his dad rambles on about.

2003 – George goes crazy as X2: X-Men United becomes one of the greatest superhero sequels ever. George doesn’t know any better and thanks Fox for making a great movie. Oh, how little he knew about Fox back then. Since George loves horror movies, he also geeks out over the release of Freddy vs. Jason, which cost $30 million to make and earned over $100 million worldwide. George loves movie stats and how easy the internet has made following them. Fox loves stealing movie ideas. They decide the time is finally right for an Alien vs. Predator movie because monster mash-ups are cool now.




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2004 – Fox doubles down and spends $60 million on AVP, which goes on to make $170+ million worldwide. Even though it cost more than Freddy vs. Jason to produce, it earns a little more so the studio is happy. It’s not the worst time in the world to be 20th Century Fox. Or the worst time to be George! He goes to college to major in marketing and minor in writing. Good times for all!

2005 – Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith is released, completing the prequel trilogy. This is the last time Fox will have anything to do with Star Wars. They are sad their quick and easy payday is no more.

2006 – X-Men: The Last Stand ends the X-Men trilogy on a low note after Bryan Singer passes on directing it. Fox moves forward on AVP2.

2007 – AVP2 is released and earns much less than the first film. The “versus” franchise is dead. Fox goes back to sucking at life.


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Wednesday, October 18, 2017
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