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Jelani & Jenny reach their next destination, only to discover that there is further Fitbit nonsense. It involves math, so the lawyers need only a moment to complete it. Seconds later, Hayley shows up and claps happily that she gets to show off her dope math skillz. A little bit of Hayley goes a long way, and we always get a LOT more than a little bit.

The Detour options are Mamas and Papas. Mamas requires players to find the ingredients needed to create Mama’s moonshine. Papas forces teams to filter through a massive pile of potatoes and sort them by type. Then, they must transport the potatoes to a market, finally placing each type in the correct bin. Mamas sounds like the obvious choice here.

Jenny & Jelani pick Papas while Hayley & Blair pick Mamas. Our money is now on the latter duo to win, which would make it difficult for Hayley to complain for a while. As if anticipating the compliment, Hayley does the unexpected. She COMPLIMENTS Blair. You heard it here first, people.

To our shock, Jenny & Jelani quickly complete the first portion of the Papas challenge. Then, they show up and put the potatoes in the receptacles. Right when we think they’re about to win, the mean woman working at the outside stall dumps their entire potato collection on the floor. They must start over. Meanwhile, Hayley & Blair quickly finish their work and enjoy a frosty beverage. A beverage of Big Drunk. They both like it, Hayley more than Blair. Keep her drunk, Blair. It’ll make your life a lot easier.

As predicted less than two paragraphs ago, Hayley & Blair win the leg. With it, they are rewarded a Fitbit Fitness Kit, which they pretend to be excited about. It includes home fitness equipment or a year’s membership at a gym along with one of everything Fitbit makes plus a laptop and cellphone. The idea is to guarantee that they can always access their device. In reality, it’s a sickening marketing ploy disguised as a reward. Trips are better, TAR producers.

Anyway, the duo passive aggressively pretend to be BFFs (complete with hashtag!) before he states that he wishes she would shut up and she counters that she wishes he would listen. He wants her to talk less while she wants him to listen more. That seems like a Catch-22. At least they’ll always have Fitbit.

Jenny & Jelani finish a few minutes later, leaving the expected teams fighting to avoid last place. Laura & Tyler catch another bad break on her birthday when the cab driver takes them to the wrong location. So, they get stuck doing Papas as the virtually unseen Mike & Rochelle work on Mamas. Once again, Mamas proves faster, meaning that one of the two remaining previously dating teams easily wins third place.

The other remaining previously dating team seems screwed. At least they pick the correct challenge, Mamas. Any hope they have of finishing first evaporates due to their driver also taking them to Papas. Laura & Tyler kindly inform them of the issue, but they decide to continue this Detour, which is probably a fatal mistake.

Meanwhile, Laura deduces that pouring water on the potatoes identifies which one is which. Even after this clever insight, however, they run into issues. First, they run out of water, so they start using their spit to add to the local color. Since these potatoes will be eaten, they also add to the local flavor, something that the onlookers don’t appreciate very much. The evil woman in charge doesn’t either, so she seems to take special joy in failing them yet again by dropping their potatoes to the ground.

A frustrated Tyler throws his potato against the stall. The woman starts to laugh at this. We would have lost a bet on whether she was capable of smiling. Seriously, she’s the Stannis Baratheon of potato stall managers. Upon their next try, however, they get everything right. The woman grudgingly gives them the thumbs up but explicitly leaves Tyler hanging when he tries to give her a high-five. Peru is a fist bump culture, dude.

There is no remaining drama this week, as the inevitable comes true. Matt & Ashley fail on their first attempt at potato sorting, which creates a priceless moment, already available in GIF form, of Ashley looking on in surprise as their hard work is dumped to the floor. For just a moment, we expect Ashley to throw down Jersey Style with Evil Potato Woman.

Alas, that’s not the worst thing to happen to them. Moments later, they reach the finish line, only to discover what they’ve already deduced. They are the last team to arrive, confirming what we’ve known since the last episode. The highlight of their trip was one of the best ever on the show, as they got engaged on camera while millions watched. There will not be the storybook ending of them winning The Amazing Race, though. It’s a shame, since they’re such a nice couple. Have a great marriage, Hairstylists.

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