Survivor Worlds Apart: Power Rankings
By Ben Willoughby
April 1, 2015
Last week saw Shirin dealing with the repercussions of the Max blind-side. Essentially, she annoys everyone and no one even wants to play with her. It’s just like when she was growing up in the O.C. and she was always having to fit in with the Mean Girls and make fetch happen! Lucky for her, she is able to use those skills in an above-par Rodney impression.
In theory, Shirin could flip over to the Blue Collars, but I don’t see that happening. She doesn’t know the Blue Collars and is not going to understand them. Shirin is stuck trying to work her way back in with people that she actively irritates.
Last week we learned that Kelly is not good at memory challenges or listening to informants speaking to her in a hushed voice. You’d think these would be things an undercover cop would be good at!
Kelly will be thrilled to be re-joined with her rah-rah Blue Collar alliance, and her sub-alliance with Mike. She will be less thrilled when they get voted out one by one.
Will has long been an outsider within his No Collar group. While they are off talking about rock climbing and braiding shark tooth necklaces, he is left alone at camp to look sad. I think his best play is to lay low and work on an alliance with the remaining White Collars, who he probably has more in common with.
Dan is a terrible player who insists on wearing a terrible hat. Seriously, I’d rather he turn up to Tribal Council in his manties than with that thing on his head. On the subway the other day, I saw a child not yet out of the stroller wearing a hat similar to Dan’s. That’s some bad parenting right there.
Anyway, Dan is basically in the same boat as Mike, except without any ability to influence other people.
The truth is out – Rodney didn’t come on Survivor to win, just to find “a little bromance, a “homey to chill with.” He’s such a dummy that he can’t relate to others on his tribe because they come from different places than he does. Like Rodney’s from Boston, while Dan’s from Maine! Worlds apart! So he picks his alliance partners based on whether they like girls and are into partying. Rodney has the strategic skills of Fredo Corleone.
Like many dumb people, Rodney believes people think he’s dumb just because he sounds dumb. But really people think Rodney’s dumb because of the dumb things he says and the dumb things he does. That Rodney actually sounds like an idiot is a bonus.
So, what now for Rodney? His choices are limited to (a) worming his way back with Mike and Dan, who don’t trust him but can use his vote, (b) trying his luck with the other group, who don’t need his vote and don’t respect him or (c) full on Brandon Hantz wobbly-throwing camp-burning dummy spit.
There are the power rankings for the week. Tune into Survivor tonight to see just how wrong my post-merge predictions are and then come back tomorrow for Jim’s recap.