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Blue Collar

The White Collar tribe has set a pretty low bar, but I think the Blue Collar tribe may be even dumber. Exhibit A: the person who stuck up her hand to be the tribe puzzle solver had to tap out in favor of a guy who ate a raw scorpion. I will be shocked if someone from the Blue Collar tribe ends up winning this season.

1. Rodney

I’ve ranked Rodney as #1 on his tribe solely because he seems completely unafraid to do whatever it takes to win – such as use the tragic story of his sister’s death to make alliances. I don’t know how far it will get him, though, because among other things, he thinks that women just want a man to be their leader. I’m sure the state trooper and the woman who doesn’t trust anyone will be into that.

2. Kelly

Kelly is a state trooper. That’s all I really know about her, but it’s enough to get her ranked this high on this tribe. I'm looking forward to her not take crap from anyone.

3. Mike

Mike is the guy who said “If I see an opportunity in front of me, I’m going to grab it” right after vomiting up a raw scorpion. If that’s his game philosophy, he’ll either be voted out quickly or medevac'd from eating poisonous mushrooms. He did do a good job on that puzzle, though.

4. Sierra

I think Sierra may have been screwed over more than a couple of times in life, because her first reaction to Dan and Mike bringing back the largest bag of beans was to assume they were lying and that there was an even bigger bag of beans for the taking. She also tapped out of the puzzle challenge.

5. Lindsey

Lindsey is a hair stylist with two-toned hair. That may be all we need to know about Lindsey.

6. Dan

Dan realized long ago that if he can’t always be the smartest person in the room, he can at least be the loudest. He’s already put himself on the outs, first by being a blowhard - “That’s just stupid!” he said to the women on his tribe – and then by over-compensating in the other direction, to become the passive-aggressive “whatever you say” guy. However, when Jim finally gets his turn to play Survivor, I can only hope that he is as brave as Dan and wears a Speedo.

No Collar

The No Collar tribe was obviously meant to be the free-thinking, laid-back good time camp where everyone can do whatever they want and just be cool with each other. The only problem with that is that there’s always some Lord of the Flies wannabe who wants to hog the conch and ruin it all.

1. Joe

One episode in, and Joe is already the Malcolm of his tribe. He trained for making fire before coming out here, he did both parts of the immunity challenge, and all of the women on his tribe are falling over themselves to get him coconut husks, blow on his fire and comment about how he belongs on the cover of a romance novel. He even has long hair.

2. Vince

If Joe is the new Malcolm, Vince is the new Coach. And it’s not just the feathers. The coconut vendor – and seeker of truth! – likes to think of himself as a down-to-earth guy who’s into spirituality and is cool with whatever, but he seems more like an intense control freak who thinks anyone not in his personality cult should be eliminated. Vince says that one of his weaknesses is his “intense attraction to women,” which causes him to go over-board with extra-long hugs. I’m only willing to put him this far up the power rankings because he is all about himself enough to try and dominate the tribe.

3. Jenn

Jenn seems to be the alpha female of the tribe, or at least the one with the most camera time so far. And she doesn’t seem to be buying what Vince is selling, which is to her credit.

4. Hali

Beyond being a law student who’s in it for the non-profits, Hali hasn’t made much impression.

5. Will

Will was nominated as tribe representative because he offered to get everyone sandwiches. He should realise that “random and absurd” is not the same as “funny”. I think he’s really just in this for the fleeting fame of being a Survivor contestant.

6. Nina

Nina has cochlear implants and is 51. Guess who is the likely target for the first No Collar boot-out?

There are the first, and probably wildly inaccurate power rankings for the season. Tune in Wednesday to see the no-collars ostracize the deaf person and a pants-less white collar tribe, and if you find both these developments too awkward to watch, come back here Thursday for Jim’s recap in which he’ll be praying for Speedos.

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