Survivor Worlds Apart - Power Rankings
Week 1
By Ben Willoughby
March 3, 2015

Stay tuned for hair tips from Joe!

In a strong first episode, Survivor made it clear that they have cast the requisite strategists, saps and delusionals that are key to a good season. The show is sticking so hard to its season gimmick that it doesn’t even bother to use the official tribe names (at least - spoiler alert for people who've never watched the show before - not before the inevitable tribe switch around episode 4), so neither shall I. Here are the power rankings for this week.

White Collar

I know it is early in the season, but we’ve already found our loser tribe that will fail at challenges and be picked off one by one. In a puzzle challenge where they just needed to be mediocre to be safe from the vote, they still threw under. Lots of attention was given to Shirin’s slow puzzle-solving, but not one of these veterans of team-building problem-solving training sessions had the confidence to step up and say “I’ll do the five piece puzzle.” The good news for White Collar is that they got rid of their second-least trustful member. So long, “So much drama." At least you're dating Malcolm!

1. Tyler

Tyler has made an early move to shape the game the way he wants it. While the others were saying “I guess it’s between Carolyn and Shirin, whatever, so long as it’s not me”, he decided he didn’t like either option and decided to break up the budding alliance between the two people who’d shown they couldn’t be trusted.

2. Max

Max seems like a smart enough player, but I can’t get behind anyone who is into beard culture as fully as he is. Remember when mullets were “business in the front, party in the back”? Well, Max is “business up top, disgusting mess down below”. Also Max, why tell everyone that you’re a good liar? I have Max marked down as the self-proclaimed expert who is maybe not as expert as he thinks he is.

3. Carolyn

Carolyn was smart (or really, paranoid) enough to find the idol without a clue, and it seems like she may have an alliance in Tyler.

4. Shirin
Shirin is a Yahoo! executive, and is apparently high enough on the chain to be getting congratulatory tweets from Marisa Mayer. If she had been first out, I wonder if she would have been fired? It certainly would have made for some awkward meetings.

5. Joaquin

Even though his tribe is all white collar, Joaquin was the only one who turned up in a suit. When So suggested that the better move might be to go with honesty over deceit, he shut it down with an immediate “that’s silly.” It’s only day three and already no one trusts him. Sounds like a marketing director to me!

Blue Collar

The White Collar tribe has set a pretty low bar, but I think the Blue Collar tribe may be even dumber. Exhibit A: the person who stuck up her hand to be the tribe puzzle solver had to tap out in favor of a guy who ate a raw scorpion. I will be shocked if someone from the Blue Collar tribe ends up winning this season.

1. Rodney

I’ve ranked Rodney as #1 on his tribe solely because he seems completely unafraid to do whatever it takes to win – such as use the tragic story of his sister’s death to make alliances. I don’t know how far it will get him, though, because among other things, he thinks that women just want a man to be their leader. I’m sure the state trooper and the woman who doesn’t trust anyone will be into that.

2. Kelly

Kelly is a state trooper. That’s all I really know about her, but it’s enough to get her ranked this high on this tribe. I'm looking forward to her not take crap from anyone.

3. Mike

Mike is the guy who said “If I see an opportunity in front of me, I’m going to grab it” right after vomiting up a raw scorpion. If that’s his game philosophy, he’ll either be voted out quickly or medevac'd from eating poisonous mushrooms. He did do a good job on that puzzle, though.

4. Sierra

I think Sierra may have been screwed over more than a couple of times in life, because her first reaction to Dan and Mike bringing back the largest bag of beans was to assume they were lying and that there was an even bigger bag of beans for the taking. She also tapped out of the puzzle challenge.

5. Lindsey

Lindsey is a hair stylist with two-toned hair. That may be all we need to know about Lindsey.

6. Dan

Dan realized long ago that if he can’t always be the smartest person in the room, he can at least be the loudest. He’s already put himself on the outs, first by being a blowhard - “That’s just stupid!” he said to the women on his tribe – and then by over-compensating in the other direction, to become the passive-aggressive “whatever you say” guy. However, when Jim finally gets his turn to play Survivor, I can only hope that he is as brave as Dan and wears a Speedo.

No Collar

The No Collar tribe was obviously meant to be the free-thinking, laid-back good time camp where everyone can do whatever they want and just be cool with each other. The only problem with that is that there’s always some Lord of the Flies wannabe who wants to hog the conch and ruin it all.

1. Joe

One episode in, and Joe is already the Malcolm of his tribe. He trained for making fire before coming out here, he did both parts of the immunity challenge, and all of the women on his tribe are falling over themselves to get him coconut husks, blow on his fire and comment about how he belongs on the cover of a romance novel. He even has long hair.

2. Vince

If Joe is the new Malcolm, Vince is the new Coach. And it’s not just the feathers. The coconut vendor – and seeker of truth! – likes to think of himself as a down-to-earth guy who’s into spirituality and is cool with whatever, but he seems more like an intense control freak who thinks anyone not in his personality cult should be eliminated. Vince says that one of his weaknesses is his “intense attraction to women,” which causes him to go over-board with extra-long hugs. I’m only willing to put him this far up the power rankings because he is all about himself enough to try and dominate the tribe.

3. Jenn

Jenn seems to be the alpha female of the tribe, or at least the one with the most camera time so far. And she doesn’t seem to be buying what Vince is selling, which is to her credit.

4. Hali

Beyond being a law student who’s in it for the non-profits, Hali hasn’t made much impression.

5. Will

Will was nominated as tribe representative because he offered to get everyone sandwiches. He should realise that “random and absurd” is not the same as “funny”. I think he’s really just in this for the fleeting fame of being a Survivor contestant.

6. Nina

Nina has cochlear implants and is 51. Guess who is the likely target for the first No Collar boot-out?

There are the first, and probably wildly inaccurate power rankings for the season. Tune in Wednesday to see the no-collars ostracize the deaf person and a pants-less white collar tribe, and if you find both these developments too awkward to watch, come back here Thursday for Jim’s recap in which he’ll be praying for Speedos.