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Previously on Survivor, we ranted about three people we dislike. Then, the episode started and none of that trio was highlighted a lot. Let’s hope that this trend continues.

Day one at Hunahpu is spent splashing around the beach. That is true of most of the cast members, anyway. Drew, who is listed as “Alec’s brother” finds himself in charge of construction. Thrice divorced Missy notices a pair of shirtless, attractive gentlemen past the age of consent and works her way over to check out their wood. It is the base of the housing structure, perverts. Any Mrs. Robinson joke should go without saying.

Drew hopes that his sweat of brow will endear him to the other contestants. He also takes this opportunity to announce his professional success as a male model. Somewhere, Missy’s heart flutters. As Drew discusses how much he has accomplished for the tribe, the show predictably airs a complaint from a competing player.

In this case, Julie, a woman full of the seed of Satan’s spawn, is annoyed by his behavior. She considers his take-charge attitude a sign of arrogance. Yes, the significant other of John Rocker is claiming to be turned off by the arrogance of a different Survivor contestant. While she continues to vent, we cannot help but feel that this is the start of a romantic comedy.

Drew is instantly the most annoying man Julie has ever met. Her dumb jock of a boyfriend will create the dramatic tension in act two before those crazy/beautiful kids shove him out of the way and embrace, finally releasing the unmistakable sexual tension. Survivor as a meet-cute is an idea whose time…will never come.

Wes, Keith’s son, is the first person to recognize John Rocker. He first discusses his suspicion with Drew before engaging Rocker in conversation. The former Atlanta Brave hilariously attempts to deter Wes by claiming that his last name is Wetteland. Yes, in order to prevent anyone from deducing that he is a former professional baseball player, John Rocker claims that his name is John Wettleland.

For those of you who do not understand why this is so funny/stupid, John Wetteland was also a former baseball closer. Rocker’s attempt to deceive is the most ineffective ploy possible. It’s like a wanted killer coming up with the pseudonym of O.J. Simpson. We presume that the former Atlanta Brave’s back-up name was going to be John Notrocker.

Even Wes can see through this clever ruse, although it isn’t his finest moment. The southern gentleman attempts to out his companion. He asks if his last name, Rocker, “has five letters in it”. We are going to go out on a limb and guess that Wes was not a math major. Rocker actually does something even funnier when he tries to count the letters in his own fake name, eventually settling upon seven for “W-E-T-L-A-N-D”. If you are going to try to steal John Wetteland’s career, at least learn how to spell his last name, dude.

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