| The Hundred-Foot Journey
| Into the Storm | Step Up All In | Ninja Turtles | WINNER
(1 point per category) |
Clearest Title | Doesn’t seem that long of a journey | Doesn’t seem like the best course of action | A Step Up Sequel | A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot?!?! | The heroes in a half-shell win the first point. |
Best Genre and Rating | Drama
Rated PG for thematic elements, some violence, language and brief sensuality | Action
Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense destruction and peril, and language including some sexual references | Dance
Rated PG-13 for some language and suggestive material | Action
Rated PG-13 for sci-fi action violence | Cowabunga! The Hundred-Foot Journey gets a point for not being PG-13 or fast-paced. |
Best Plot (in haiku form) | A French restaurant
New competition next door
With a love story
| Biggest storm ever
Town gets tons of tornadoes
Folks try to survive | A dance tournament
Big stakes, big competition
Only one winner | So there’s some turtles
Who are mutant teenagers
And frickin’ Ninjas! | You can’t beat the radical plot of the TMNT. Another point for Splinter’s crew. |
Best Trailer | PROS: Looks very charming, almost made me tear up
CONS:None, if you have a heart | PROS: Lots of disaster special effects, like a lot of them
CONS: None, if your only criteria for a film is to have disaster special effects | PROS: Lots of dancing
CONS: None, if you are a very, very small percentage of the population | PROS: It’s the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! Action-packed. Doesn’t look fake.
CONS: None, if you had a childhood | What the shell? The Hundred-Foot Journey gets the best trailer point. |
Coolest Lead Actor | Helen Mirren from The Queen and RED. | Richard Armitage was Thorin in The Hobbit trilogy. | Lead actors from previous Step Up movies (but not Channing Tatum) | The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!!! | Helen Mirren and the Ninja Turtles split the point for how cool they are. |
Best Cast | None that I recognized, but they all seem very talented | Sarah Wayne Callies (Walking Dead) | Cast members from previous Step Up movies | Megan Fox (Transformers), Whoopi Goldberg (Sister Act), Will Arnett (Arrested Development) | Dude, the turtles have the best cast. Point. |
Best Street Cred For the Production | Director Lasse Hallstrom also directed What’s Eating Gilbert Grape and Chocolat. | Director Steven Quale also directed Final Destination 5. | Director Trish Sie is directing her first movie. | Director Jonathan Liebesman also directed Wrath of the Titans. | Everyone else can get some pizza as Lasse Hallstrom wins the final point. |