This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for August 7-9, 2014
By Curt David
August 8, 2014
BoxOfficeProphets.com

I want her to be my next door neighbor.
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some movies sound awesome (Aqua Team Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters), but then do not do too well commercially. Other movies star your celebrity crush (Gwyneth Paltrow in Country Strong), but then do not get much love critically. Still other movies are recommended by friends (but friends can be idiots). And if you are like 35%* of people, you are not even aware of which movies are being released, yet alone which movies you should pay your hard earned money on.

I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of August 8th, new movies in wide release are The Hundred-Foot Journey, Into the Storm, Step Up All In, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.



The Hundred-Foot Journey Into the StormStep Up All InNinja TurtlesWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleDoesn’t seem that long of a journeyDoesn’t seem like the best course of actionA Step Up SequelA Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot?!?!The heroes in a half-shell win the first point.
Best Genre
and Rating		Drama
Rated PG for thematic elements, some violence, language and brief sensuality		Action
Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense destruction and peril, and language including some sexual references		Dance
Rated PG-13 for some language and suggestive material		Action
Rated PG-13 for sci-fi action violence		Cowabunga! The Hundred-Foot Journey gets a point for not being PG-13 or fast-paced.
Best Plot
(in haiku form)		A French restaurant
New competition next door
With a love story 		Biggest storm ever
Town gets tons of tornadoes
Folks try to survive		A dance tournament
Big stakes, big competition
Only one winner		So there’s some turtles
Who are mutant teenagers
And frickin’ Ninjas!		You can’t beat the radical plot of the TMNT. Another point for Splinter’s crew.
Best TrailerPROS: Looks very charming, almost made me tear up
CONS:None, if you have a heart		PROS: Lots of disaster special effects, like a lot of them
CONS: None, if your only criteria for a film is to have disaster special effects		PROS: Lots of dancing
CONS: None, if you are a very, very small percentage of the population		PROS: It’s the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! Action-packed. Doesn’t look fake.
CONS: None, if you had a childhood		What the shell? The Hundred-Foot Journey gets the best trailer point.
Coolest Lead ActorHelen Mirren from The Queen and RED.Richard Armitage was Thorin in The Hobbit trilogy. Lead actors from previous Step Up movies (but not Channing Tatum)The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!!!Helen Mirren and the Ninja Turtles split the point for how cool they are.
Best CastNone that I recognized, but they all seem very talentedSarah Wayne Callies (Walking Dead)Cast members from previous Step Up moviesMegan Fox (Transformers), Whoopi Goldberg (Sister Act), Will Arnett (Arrested Development)Dude, the turtles have the best cast. Point.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Director Lasse Hallstrom also directed What’s Eating Gilbert Grape and Chocolat. Director Steven Quale also directed Final Destination 5. Director Trish Sie is directing her first movie.Director Jonathan Liebesman also directed Wrath of the Titans. Everyone else can get some pizza as Lasse Hallstrom wins the final point.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, The Hundred-Foot Journey gets 3 and 1/2 points, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles gets 3 and 1/2 points, Into The Storm get 0 points, and Step Up All In gets 0 points and a gold star.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you like disaster movies, feel free to watch Into the Storm. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, The Hundred-Foot Journey and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are the best movies to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. Step Up All In’s tagline “Every Step Has Led To This” wins.
Conclusion 3: The only other times I admitted to almost tearing up at a trailer for this column (and that’s about 250 columns worth) were for the movies Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Big Miracle, Country Strong, Dolphin Tale, Extraordinary Measures, and The Blind Side. In case you were wondering.

*Statistic is completely made up.