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Previously on The Amazing Race, nobody was eliminated. This decision leads to a philosophical debate. When a reality competition fails to remove anyone, is it any different from The Real Housewives of Somewhere Irrelevant? We say no.

The good news for us is that for the first time in five (!) seasons, we will be recapping an episode that features a team’s elimination! That’s right! Daron Aldridge has miraculously timed all of his previous vacations in a way that leaves us discussing a duo finishing last yet not being eliminated. This season, he must not have informed the producers of the correct vacation dates since they suffered from premature non-elimination. Don’t worry. It happens to a lot of guys. Next time, think about baseball…but NOT the baseball wives.

With regards to the most recent leg, evil triumphed. The *sigh* Afghanimals (every time we type this, know that we resent it with every fiber of our being) stole first place through a series of shenanigans. Or maybe they were just better than anyone else. Any time they talk, we presume there is perfidy in their blackened hearts. Plus, they are more annoying than Andy Dick. Does anyone remember Andy Dick?

This week’s leg begins at the same location, the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix. Phil Keoghan is wearing a hat to protect him from the desert sun. It’s not a good hat. Throw that hat away, Phil. Anyway, those annoying dudes (the Afghanimals, not Phil and Phil’s Hat) leave first at 7:10 a.m. Good riddance.

This week’s beginning challenge must be the work of Agent Maxwell Smart at CONTROL. For no apparent reason, the players must decipher a code using their previously discovered sack of Viking coins. Doing so will unlock the door to a car whose corporation presumably paid a pretty penny for this merchandising tie-in. We will not name them because this entire affair is #Shameless. Personally, we think it would have been easier and less annoying to, you know, give the players car keys. Viking sack-coins sound like the currency of choice on the ill-fated Sex Boat journey of 2005.

At 7:15, Jason & Amy sack up. Impressively, Amy had already deciphered the code in anticipation of the Agent 99 Challenge. She walks right up to the car, enters the code and is on her merry way. Then, her husband promptly gets them lost. They are feeling the pressure because they are only 8 minutes ahead of their true competition this season, Nicole & Travis. The doctors depart at 7:23, and they are similarly undeterred by the “puzzle”. The moral of the story is that if you are using Coin as your password, your stuff is not secure.

The true villains this season, Tim & Marie, are 34 minutes behind the annoying heels, Leo & Jamal. They are worried about the news that there will be a U-Turn this leg. Why? Well, they are roughly as popular as Congress. And Congress has single digit popularity in polling currently. I think Tim & Marie are still looking up at that type of approval. Marie has all the personality and warmth of a public execution.

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